Fun One Liners

 

- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

- If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

- I can handle pain till it hurts.

- A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.

- According to my best recollections, I don't remember.

- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

- Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.

- Diplomacy is the art of letting someone eles get your way.

- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

- As long as there are test, there will be prayer in public schools.

- Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

- I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

- No one is listening until you make a mistake.

- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps

- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it

- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

- I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

- I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

- Don't steal. The government hates competition.

- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

- I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

- Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

- We are all born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- We are all part of a ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.

- If ignorance is bliss, then tourist are in a constant state of euphoria.

- If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- I intend to live forever. So far so good.

- Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?

- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

- Energizer bunny arrested; charged with battery.

- I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.

- Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut"

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

- Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

- Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

- Evolution: True science fiction.

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