Hangin in there...I think

OMM LAN in Tx is a hot topic, I wanted to go,but the finances just won't let me.GRRRR. Living from paycheck to paycheck right now, I hate that. Was hoping that the prize winnings for the pool league would be enough, but we finnished 2nd and my cut was only 2 bills. Damn. Thought about driving.......25.5 hrs. Just not possible this time of year, to busy at work in NOV. ---sigh--- There will be another LAN, but there are many peeps that will be there(ok all) that I want to meet, all in one place too. Damn, to be independently wealthy.

Going to pick up the fish tanks from the widow today, the fish and final tank on sunday. I am tossed up on my feelings about this. I haven't run a tank in 10 or so years. Not that running it is a problem, used to run 7 at one time and was breeding them too. It's the time, though that's kinda not a problem either I guess. It's only an hour a week. So I guess I'm making to much out of it. Just looking to get fish that mom is gonna like, and want to feed.(to keep her busy) Dad used to run tanks too, so I have no concerns for when I'm away or not home. So more research,like looking for a good pet store. I WILL NOT go to a "department store" to get fish(petco etc). Those peeps/kids don't care and have NFC.

A coworker may be going away again,he violated his probation. A few years ago he was drunk and assaulted a raised ranch with his F-150 PU. So my time off from work is up in the air. days off(going to 6 day work week again) or vacation time(not able to take a full week). So that is concerning as well, I'm getting to old for this shit, working 6 days is tough,especially with the real busy time coming. ---sigh--- Gotta wait and see what happens.

On a positive note, I've gotta new friend. Played some games(H2) with gamerchicklet and had a blast. She is just WAY to concerned about MY rank. I must have told her like 10 times that I don't care about my rank. LOL Added BatmanKM to the mix, just fun times.....something I really needed. Not to forget slipperyalpha and wardevidedunity, good times there too.

It's good to see other peeps thoughts about me,and that I'm well liked. Especially being down in the dumps recently.

Thanks to all, thanks to 2o2p,

Armin

A glimpse into the HMR head

First blog.........

Told that this may ease my turmoil w/in myself.  Hell, who knows, may help. So here it goes...........

As some of you have noticed, I have not been myself as of late. There have been many losses and a few gains ,which were lost anyway. Go figrue.So maybe I should start by saying that my recent 9/11 post was pre-emted by seeing my friends widow and 6 yr old(almost) daughter, he was a firefighter whose life was stolen from him by the attacks on the WTC. His daughter will NEVER know her dad. She just knows that he was a hero, which knowing him as I did I wholeheartedly agree. So I posted  just to ease the pain.

The old couple whose house my sister and I were watching as they were recovering in the hospital, well, the old gentleman passed away. Now his widow insists that I take the fishtanks and fish that were his. Of course you can't argue with an elderly swedish lady, add to that a widow. So now I am making room in the house for the new additions and trying to get her house ready for the winter, not to mention moving the items that were her husbands.......and dealing with his funeral.......did I mention how much I HATE funerals and wakes????? I would rather gouge my eye out with a lawn tractor.

The loss of a beloved thread in the clan forum........ DAMN....... The thought still hurts, and peeps try to revive it. It feels....dirty?soiled? I tried to do what I could do to save it, with info I was given(faulty....go figure), Did I overstep my bounds???? YEP, think so, but only for the love of the thread. Spoke with the overlord, posted, and still no changes, as I could only give input and NOT make the changes. PEEPS could not understand that i guess. For when the changes that were recomended were not made I was PM'ed alot. I was cursed at, accused of starting the whole thing, berated...... guess you get the picture. It was so bad I almost left the clan. Had a few peeps REMOVE themselves from my FL. SO IN THE END, I lost a beloved thread, AND the will to even post, as I do not know if I will be berated again. So I pick and choose what I post in and what I write. I now post mainly OUTSIDE the clan forum. I hope someday I will feel comfortable to post there regularly again. Only time will tell.

I found a wonderful woman here on the site. We had a wonderful time together,these past few months. BUT, this too has ended. The distance between us,3 hrs in a car 1 way, has taken a toll on us....me..... as I cannot be the man that I need to be to be at peace with myself.She deserves better than that which I can give right now. She deserves the best, and I am only second rate right now. We did part on friendly terms....I think..... we did agree, but she was crying and said "good-bye" and hung up. I think we are good, but only time will tell. OH BTW...... I didn't WANT to let her go, I just wish things could be a little different. -sigh-

MOM has been ill for some time, dad had a major heart operation a few years back. In the house with them, so we don't lose the house dad built. things are tough, as mom just had a doctors visit, ALOT of tests, all in one day, better for her to be uncomfortable for 1 day instead on a couple.(staying as far away as poss, easier on dad and I to do for 1 day) Well, the bill showed up.........$798...... AFTER the 80% that moms ins pays. Did I mention that mom and dad are retired?  So..... their fixed income, who has that kind of $ ??? YUP< you guessed it, me. Don't get me wrong, not complaining....much..... So any of the plans I had of seeing peeps this year are pretty much gone.

MAN, sometimes being sober sucks.......... NOT..... not even an option, but had to state it as it's a thought that ran through my head a couple times. After 11 and a half years the thought still creaps in. Must stay vigilant. As I am useless to anyone if I drink/drug.

Well, guess its time to get on XBL.....Chromehounds.... and blow some sht up!