Blimmer's Blog - 2old2play

ROFLMAO

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

'Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with The other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.

[3 Comments]

Hopefully these ones are ok!!!!

VERYINTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

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[0 Comments]

Try this

If you get it first time then give urself a pat on the back!!!

http://www.dothetest.co.uk

[1 Comments]

Interesting Facts

Enjoy, it is worth the read...

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all, the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, 'Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water'.

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof when it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence, the saying 'It's raining cats and dogs'.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, 'dirt poor'. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence, the custom of holding a wake.

And that's the truth... Now, whoever said History was boring ! !

[6 Comments]

A little Humor for a Monday morning!!!

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the al cohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslim extremists would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win- win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

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Another email, had to share!!!

Had this from a friend of mine, will be familiar to all you COD4 guys out there!!!!

NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED.....................

DEFINITELY NOT FOR CHILDREN.............................

Actual photo of a person being shot at close range.
Read below to prepare you for the actual moment.
Seeing folks actually pulling the trigger on another human being may not be your cup of tea.

We tend to sit back in our living rooms, and view the barrage of information that comes across from our media. We can easily become desensitized to the real
gravity and danger of the world within which we exist. When I first saw this photo, my heart was instantly brought face to face with "cold" reality. Yet at the same time, it made me realize that like any citizen, I'm just a person traveling through our enviroment, too. This moment of conflict, on some distant shore, truly captures the results of what can happen when the enemy is totally exposed.

Go to the link below to see the horror.........

Warning: NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii49/blimmer2007/Pointblank.jpg

YOU WERE WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!

[1 Comments]

Funny Email

Received this today from a good mate, thought they were worth sharing:

THE LAST ONE IS AN ABSOLUTE CLASSIC!!

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller:          "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:     "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller:          "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator:      "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:          "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?"
Operator:      " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller:               "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator:          "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller:               "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:        "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:             "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer:             "OK".
Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer:             "No".
Tech Support:      "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer:             "No".
Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer:            "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support:          "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer:                 "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:              "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:         "What sort of trouble??"
Caller:              "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator:         "Went away?"
Caller:              "They disappeared."
Operator:         "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:              "Nothing."
Operator:         "Nothing??"
Caller:              "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:         "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:              "How do I tell?"
Operator:         "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller:              "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:         "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller:              "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator:         "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:              "What's a monitor?"
Operator:         "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller:               "I don't know."
Operator:          "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:              "Yes, I think so."
Operator:         "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:              "Yes, it is."
Operator:         "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:               "No."
Operator:          "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:               "Okay, here it is."
Operator:          "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:               "I can't reach."
Operator:          "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:               "No."
Operator:          "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller:               "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:          "Dark??"
Caller:               "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:               "I can't."
Operator:          "No? Why not??"
Caller:               "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller:               "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:           "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:                "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:            "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:                 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator:            "Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

[4 Comments]