The Asparagus Battle...

I consider myself to relatively open-minded when it comes to food, especially fruits and vegetables. If nothing else, it's a job and lifestyle requirement. How can you tell someone they need to exercise and eat healthy to lose some weight if you happen to be a pot-bellied slob youself? But I digress...

For the past 3 months, I've tried to capture one of the few green vegetables whose taste has eluded me...The asparagus. A member of the Lily family, high in fiber, a good source of potassium as well as Vitamin C, it's low in sodium, and is free of fat and cholesterol. While all these things are quite wonderful, it also seems totally unfit for human consumption. In the battle of the palate, I've grilled it with chicken, sauteed extensively with mushrooms, lightly baked with salmon fillets and lime juice.....Don't try these. Trust me.

All of this leads to this evening. As a last resort, I decide to simply boil the wretched weed. After 10 minutes in a full roll, I extracted a a number of spears onto a plate, carefully avoiding the aroma and any possible premonitions it might impart to my sensibilities. Stabbing one of medium size, and engulfing it in a gnashing of teething, I tried to just get the thing down as expeditiously as possible. Not fast enough.

Mid-chew my neck started to tighten, and I started to sweat. Just swallow. Chew quicker. Don't think. Swallow. Swallow. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO IT.

...Having completed the task, I've now had a moment to realize a few things. One being that a pot of boiled asparagus smells as if you've stewed a great batch of rotted peas to the brink of burning. Second being the taste could only compare to that of a homeless man's ass.

Consider yourself lucky...someone warned you.