Ear Hair and Cannibal Women

I am disturbed.

I know, I know. "No shit. We've read your blog."

What I mean is Ive avoided most of the usual pitfalls of aging.  Im still the same weight since high school (215lbs +/- 5lbs), pants went from a 32 to a 34, not too bad at 6'3", I guess.  I found the cure for receding hairline and graying, just shave it off.  Okay.

But ear hair?!  What the hell?  What evolutionary benefit is brought by ear hair?  Am I supposed to stuff it back into the ear canal to dampen the racket made by my children or to get out of chores?  Should I cultivate it?  Grow it out?  Use it as a comb over?  Braid it?

I know that humans have strategic patches of fuzz partly to help in dispersing pheremones, but ear hair is just gross and pointless.

Its like a signal to women; "Old guy! Just move along!"

Ive been ripping it out with my fingers and occasionally burning it with a lighter.  Both methods have their obvious drawbacks.  Trimming just leaves unsightly ear stubble.

Anyway.

My lab tech bit me last night.

Right in the back of the neck.

I felt her come up behind me and before I knew it, all I felt was teeth.

I was like "WTF?!"

She said she always wanted to do that.

Ive never bitten anyone in a social situation before.

Its also not the first time its happened to me.

Aside from the usual bites during hanky panky (those are expected), Ive been bitten during quiet converstion in a college cafeteria, a restaurant, playing pinball in a bar, teaching karate and now at work.

They rarely draw blood but are always unexpected and remarkably out of context.  They are usually located around the neck, arms and shoulders.

Im not doing anything out of the ordinary and I rarely wear chocolate.

But I think I have it figured out.

Women instinctively know a universal truth.

People are tasty.

Sometimes they just want a little nibble.

I worry though that if I dont react quickly enough they will continue the attack and all that will be left is a pile of bones and some faded workpants.

I also believe the problem may be compounded by fad dieting.

Anyway.  I drew a cat.  Heres a crappy photo from my crappy camera.