Long Lost Love

As I stated in my last blog, I would write about the girl I've been head over heels about for the last 10 years so here goes:

Me and her were friends in high school, she dated my  best friend at the time.  From the first time I saw her, I always had a crush on her, and with her dating my best friend the feelings only became stronger as her and I became friends. Well as time went by, she got tired of my friends crap, and his apparent alcoholism (eventually, we all got tired of his crap, and his self destructive poor me attitude). They broke up, and I was still hanging out with her, by this time me and her were best of friends and could read each other like books. Well, it was time for me to step up, and take the chance and ask her. Well, I gave into my fear of rejection, and just kind of dropped out of her life. Something I've regretted since then, not only did I lose out on a chance at romance with her, I also lost a great friend.

We kind of kept in touch over the years, we would see each other in public and chit-chat, hug, and be on our way. I got married, had a child, started my own lil life, but she was always on my mind. Anytime me and my wife had an argument or fight, I would always think about her. Well finally it was decided that me and my wife could no longer coexist,
and we got a divorce.  Now in the self loathing and depression that followed the divorce, I decided to write her, and tell her about all the feelings I kept for her. She contacted me immediately, and told me she had no idea, she thought I dropped off the planet because of my friend she dated, and well to say the least we re-kindled our friendship. She told me that at this point in time there wasn't anything she could do (she was in a three year relationship with a guy, and had I known the letter would have never been sent), however she didn't know what the future held. She also told me she had a battle with cancer, cervical cancer, and how she had been sick. This scared the holy crap out of me cuz I just recently lost my mother to cancer.

We talked nearly ever week for a while, I found a new girl (the girlfriend from my previous blog post, which was a disaster). Her and her man split, while I was with the gf, and she went on to find another guy. The last I talked to her, was on the phone, she was telling me how she just broke up with her bf and I was telling her about the downfall of mine. A few days late we were talking, and I asked her if we could meet up sometime, and hang out like the old days. She said sure, sounds like fun. Well that was pretty much the last I've heard from her. I've called her, messaged her, and e-mailed her, 4 weeks now and no response. I'm hoping shes just busy with her new man, and just hasn't got time for me (or knows because of the feelings I have for her, wants nothing to do with me), and that she hasn't come out of remission. Anyway I'm at a loss as to what to do, if shes not contacting me because of the new man, I don't want to intrude. But if shes sick again I would like to know, and its like her not to tell me that she is, so I don't worry myself sick about her.

Normally I would just give up, but for some reason with her I just can't. Shes the type of girl that if she called me up and said  "Jacob, I need a kidney transplant" before she hung up I would be there at the hospital with her getting every kind of test completed to see if I was a proper candidate. 

Any advice on the situation would help.

Posted by elvendarkmage on Fri Oct 26, 2007 @ 2:20 pm EDT | 4 Comments