Life continues on

It may seem to some that my blogs of late have been extremely personal, and I'm not going to deny that they are. The reason I write them is to get things out, and to hear from people who have no personal attachment to the situation. People coming from a total and complete unbiased stand point. Even though I have actually had my blogs used against me in personal attacks, yet here I am again typing away like a mad man. If you don't like it the easiest thing to do is not to read my blog.

The relationship I spoke of before, the one I'm working on rebuilding is a big deal. Why? because I'm trying to reconcile with my ex-wife. I love the woman, always have always will, shes the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Things in our marriage wasn't always good, but blame falls on both sides (even though I am the type of person to carry all the weight of the failure on my shoulders). I can see that now, I made mistakes, some big some small, but being able to see these problems I know now how to fix them. She can see she made mistakes, some big some small, and she is willing to change them. So what's the problem? Let me break it down for you.

Her exact words: "I love you, I care the world for you, but I am not ready to commit to a relationship at this time. I need time to figure things out." For me this is extremely hard for me to understand. If you love someone, you should be with them,  is my thinking flawed? She wants time to straighten out the problems in her life. She knows she wants to be with me in th end, but she doesn't know how to get there. This confuses the holy crap out of me. I told her I would wait for her, which is extremely hard for me to do, because I'm an impatient person. There are thoughts that I just can't escape, a I feel sometimes like I'm being lead on, that in the end I'm going to be kicked to the curb. My whole life I always fought for love, it's the only thing worth fighting for, and now I'm stuck in a position in which the fighting is actually bad. She is saying I'm pushing to hard right now, so in the end my fighting for love is doing more harm then good. This entire situation has me wanting to grab handfuls of hair and just rip it out. I'm so confused,  I love her and want to be with her, but I don't want to feel like I'm being lead on/being taken for granted. Not knowing has always been a thing that has totally and completely drove me up the wall, and here I am facing down the barrel of a 20 gauge not knowing shot-gun.

EDM


Posted by elvendarkmage on Mon Nov 26, 2007 @ 2:05 pm EDT | 4 Comments