Say screw it, it is your sperm donor's loss and get on with your life. Trust me it is alot easier and less confusing that way.

No advice as I have not walked in those shoes but what I do know is that you turned out to be a good man despite the poor role models.

my folks split when I was 5 (am 37 now). I'm lucky that my mom met my stepdad almost 20 years ago, and he's a good guy.

However, my real dad after us kids got to be teens, stopped coming to see us. Heck my sister has kids of her own, and he has never flown to SC to see them (he lives in Maine) Last time I saw him was 6 years ago at my wedding. My brother lives 40 minutes away from him, and he says he hasn't heard from him either.

You think after 20+ years you get over the fact and move on, but there is always some part of you that thinks "what the heck did I do"?

I can partially understand where you're coming from man, and if you want to PM me and talk about it, feel free.

I'm writing this fast and don't have time to proof it, so sorry for any mistakes. As wastedboomer said, I to have never walked in your shoes, but lets just say I know a few things.

First: Stop going to a dry well for water.

Second: Then except your past, own it, it's what made you the better person, father, husband you are now. Just because your parents are incapable of giving you what you needed and need now, is not something you should try to fix. You can be there for them if you choice, but not before you can be there for yourself. No one can make you feel something you don't already believe about yourself. You are not confused, it's very clear to you what the problem is, what you think is confusing is really you coming to terms with what is at hand and what to do with that. You have to ask yourself 'what do I gain from this'. Look at that question and give yourself time to answer. What is it you want from this, the odds are they are not going to change. That leaves one thing. You have to do the changing. You should be proud of what you have accomplished with the cards that were dealt you. You were unlucky to be placed with this as a child. These people are may not be evil, but they were and are incapable of dealing with life. You happened to be in that life. You are the byproduct of that, but you are not that helpless child anymore. You have the powder within you to move past this. Do what you feel is right for YOU first, then when you feel in a safe place you'll be better able to handle what comes your way. You will change, they probably will not, they will treat you how you treat yourself. You should read some books to help you change your coping mechanisms and gain some tools to work through this.

Think outside your box, think about if you could as a person help a friend, child in trouble with this problem. What would you do, what would you say to that child. What would YOU say to that child.

You already have your answer you're just looking for validation.

OK I've stuck my nose in enough. I've got to run. The best to you.

I feel ya.....didnt meet my dad till I was 12.....seen him maybe a dozen times in my life....more my effort than his......our last communication was 3 years ago when he sent an email to everyone boasting about his new born "first" grandchild......my son is 8

dont worry about what you missed with him.....and what you can offer your own children and family

I completely understand where you are coming from. From personal experience I would say that telling them exactly how you feel/felt would probably help...I've talked with my mother about things that happened when I was a kid....and it has helped, our relationship is so much better now than it was. I haven't had the guts to tell my father, but I should, I know I would feel better, and at least it would be off my chest.
Good luck, much love....just remember everything you wanted emotionally as a kid....and give that to your children and your family.

I really don't know anyone who had a good childhood. My father was there but never said anything to me unless it was before a beating.

He never told me he loved me until I was 18 and in basic training for the miltary. Oh yeah, that was also when they told me that my mother was dying. She died 3 months later and he remarried a former prostitute a year almost to the day of my mother's death.

They sold the house that was bought with my mother's inheritance and moved into his father's home that was sold to him by his father for a dollar. He took my wife and I's rings back (they were his and my mother's originally) and melted them down for jewelry for his new hooker....I mean wife. His wife tried to beat up my wife when she was pregnant (that almost got me arrested) and sold my mother's family's silver to a pawn shop. He told my brother , " Don't worry...I didn't get much for it".

I have two children who he has not bothered to see in almost 8 years. Trust me, I know what you're talking about. I listed the tamest of things he put us through so again believe me when I tell you that you are not alone.

If he showed up on my doorstep on fire I wouldn't piss on him to put him out. Hug your kids, kiss your wife and dedicate yourself to being better to your kids than your father ever was.

Often times ppl try to avoid you because they know they've failed you or done a lot of wrong and are afraid that you might confront them about what they did in the past. Its not you instead they are trying to hide from their own past.

You're a good man, and I'd say what some of the others are saying, keep loving your own family and take care of them, you'll never regret it.

Best wishes.

I have a flight to catch and I've been in a rush all day. I just read what I said to you and it's all over the place. When I get back I'll pm you with what I'm trying to say. On the quick, some can have a relationship with their parents, some can't. I think you should know that your feelings are right where they should be and the people here are right. Your wife, kids, friends, and you, that's what it's really all about. You turned out to be a wonderful person--in spite of others.

Azuredreams, All I can say is 'you my friend are a strong person.' That would have pushed me over the edge.

Wishing better days for all, peace to you.

I've got a plane to catch.

The only thing in life that I have figured out so far is, learn from your mistakes. But in your case you have learned from other peoples mistakes, which puts you ahead of the game.

You treat your son and wife like gold, you have a good heart. Forget about the pain your parents have put you through and just try and "soft" you outer shell.

You're a good guy, don't forget it.