Eviluncle's Blog - 2old2play

Gaius in a Pickle

Well I am at a loss as to what to do.

I have family from Wisconsin coming in today through Saturday and I am hosting the big family cook out Saturday Night.

This morning I get a call from my brother in law who does some engineering work for KTM.

He has three of the new 990 Super Duke R's for a test run to Santa Cruz over the weekend. This is fucking great I tell you getting to ride new bikes that wont be available to the general public for awhile and then in very limited quanities.

Should I go ride or piss off my entire family and really dissapoint my mother?

Why does this kind of shit only happen when I have other plans?

www.990superduke.com/

[7 Comments]

Dylan

After the craptastic day I had yesterday I was looking forward to the Bob Dylan concert at Pechanga last night.

In a word crap. Dyaln had zero interaction with the audience zero zilch nada. The sound blew chunks.

I know ol Dylan is marble mouthed but when you have the band overpowering your voice it blows. Should have been an acoustic set. This could have been taken care of if the mixer was paying attention.

The older generation was out in force last night and they kept yelling for everyone to sit down. C'mon people it is a fucking concert if I want to stand up I am going to stand the fuck up. IF you don't want to deal with the crowds stay at home and pop in a cd for fucks sake.

The drink situatiuon was pitiful one drink per person at atime and no doubles. They also won't let you order a drink without ice. WTF? I asked for some Wild Turkey and all they had was the 80 and not the 101 so the guys asks me how I want it and I order neat he is goes HUH? I say no ice he then informs me all drinks have to have ice I then ask him why did he even bother asking me. I did get him to just put in 1 ice cube. He then hooks the damn thing up to a pour measureer and I get this huge plastic cup with 1 cube and 1 ounce of Turkey all this for 6 bucks. Reminder to Gaius take your fucking Flask.

Here is to hoping I have a better Friday.

[4 Comments]

One more satisfied customer

Today started out great.

A customer brings back an automatic waterer that I sold him yesterday. He wants a refund because it leaks. Fair enough defective product get a refund or exchange.

I open the box and look at it and I see that it is put together wrong. I point this out to him. Bad move on my part. He gets all defensive and says he followed the directions included with it. I then tell him nope if you had it wouldn't leak. I take it apart in front of him and put it together the right way. It took all of 3 minutes. He looked flabergasted and still wanted a refund. I calmly tell him there is nothing wrong with it and I can give him store credit less 15 % because I will have to sell it as used instead of new. He tells me to forget it and he will never shop here again and storms out.

The customer that came in behind him asked wha that was about and I tell her he was trying to bring back an item that looked like a retarded 4 year old put together. She gets all red in the face and tells me her son is mentally retarded. I fire back don't let him put together waterer's.

Great day losing two customers in 10 minutes. Is it closing time yet I sure could use a drink.

[20 Comments]

I don't want to complain

Why do people start off by saying I don't want to complain and then complain? Just shut the fuck up and don't complain.

Today I fired up the smoker behind the my shop to smoke some ribs. I have been doing this for around 7 months now and do it a couple of times a week and on Saturday. I have had no complaints from anyone in the complex and it helps me sell the grills and smokers at my shop. I do hand out free food to anyone who asks.

Well there is a new tennant in the complex and he came into my shop today and asked me if I could move my smoker so the smoke doesn't waft into his shop. This is also the same guy who on Saturday raved about my Tri-Tip and was so happy that I cook at work. I asked him what the problem was and he said the smoke will stink his shop up and possibly cause smoke damage to his clothing that he sells. Well anyone who has smelled a smoker running most likely won't complain about the smell. He does have a point about his clothing.

I ask him if the exhaust from all of the bikes he fixes cause any damage to the clothes? He didn't really have a reply to that. I then ask him when he is going to move the 30 foot flat bed truck parked in the lot and taking up 6 parking spaces I also ask him about the two broken down minivans I saw him drop off and then leave sitting there for 2 months.

Well I agreed to stop smoking during the week as long as he moves his shit vehicles out of the lot and I will only smoke on Saturdays and he better close the fucking roll up door to keep the smoke out of his shop.

Don't ever let it be said I am not open to compromise. Fucking people piss me off.

[7 Comments]

Hecho En Mexico

Well it was a great day in Costco land yesterday.

After a month of not having my Mexico Coca-Cola they finally got It back in stock

It is made with sugar and not high fructose corn sugar.

It makes a huge difference in taste the sugar Coke is crisper and well damnit I just prefer it.

You can sometimes find the Kosher Coke and Pepsi around Passover that is made with sugar and not corn sryup.

Do yourself a favor and find it will take you back to your youth when we were not deluged with the uber sweet corn syrup.

[3 Comments]

R2D2 goodness

Well friends it's not my birthday or any other sanctioned gift giving event but my sister bought me a R2D2 projector

[15 Comments]

Not a Library

My local Barnes and Noble book store has a Starbucks and numerous chairs and couches scattered across the store. When I go into it it looks like a library with everyone sitting around reading books and magazines while sipping on some crappachino. I personally hate grabbing a book off the shelf and it looks like a used book. Hell people if you want to read it buy it or go to a library. I have on numerous occasions looked for a book and not finding ask for assistance. They look it up and they are supposed to have it but some nimrod prolly has it out on some couch or put it back in the wrong place. It has got to the point where I will just buy my books online and not deal with the general public.

[8 Comments]

AA BLOWS

Long Story Short American Airlines Blows Donkeys! I will Miss Rockcrawlers Lan this weekend because they can't get their house in order. They have lost all of my future business.

[10 Comments]

Pet Peeve

I am getting tired of sweeping up cigarette butts in front of my store. I used to smoke and when I was done I would pocket the offending butt if a trash can wasn't around. More and more I see smokers just dropping the damn things even though I have two trashcans and a butt can out there for peeps. Heck when I ride my motorcycle I get butts discarded out the window then bounce off of me. I know there are ash trays in the cars, USE THEM. Inconsiderate smokers are really driving me barking mad. I may just have to get up in the watchtower and solve this problem myself.

[4 Comments]

Mixed Drinks

I don't usually go for mixed drinks but this one caught my eye and I decided to try it.

In a shaker filled with ice add
2 oz lemon liquor
2 oz cranberry juice
2 oz rye whiskey
juice from one lime
Shake until frost forms on shaker

Pour into a tall glass while adding 2 to 3 oz of soda water at the same time

Why don't I out the soda in the shaker well if you do you will have an explosion all over you

Enjoy!

[3 Comments]

How to survive the Holidays

Well the Holidays have come and gone and I once again managed to survive. How you ask? Well let me tell you.
Start off with Xmas the key for me on this holiday is a nice even buzz that lasts all day. My spirit of choice was Rittenhouse Rye 21yr old.
A very nice rye if hard to find and will set you back an easy 100 smakeroos. It is smooth and spicy and if you open it up a bit with ice or a splash water you will be amazed at the flavors you find. This may be a bit pricey for some but for me it was a nice refuge from the screaming nieces and nephews that run around on a sugar high all day
New Years weekend is usually pretty busy with a whole bunch of parties to go to . It started on Saturday with a BBQ at a friends house. He had received one of those shot glass checkerboards and nobody had the cajones to take him on. Well like a glove to the face I was ready and willing to get royally plastered in the name of good fun. A quick warning you don't want to go all overproof on this a nice 80 or even 60 proof alcohol is perfect heck you can even make up mixed drinks for this if you want. I opted for Knappogue Irish Whiskey for my side and Jeff went with Jamesons. Well the game lasted 20 minutes or so and I unfortunately lost so I had to drink all of his shots that were still on the table as well. This game rocks by the end you have a nice buzz.
Sunday we went on a brewery tour of Stone Brewery. It is a great place to go and hang if you like beer. They have a great selection of beers from around the world but no hard spirits were to be found. After the tour they give you multiple samples of their wares and you can then go eat at their restaurant. Well the beer was great but the food sucked I could boor you with the details but I wont. Go for the beer not the food.
New Years eve... Sick Sick Sick Sick damn the cold and flu season.
To everyone who enjoys a good drink on any day I salute you.

[8 Comments]

Rant on local PD

Okay I have the utmost respect for people who put their lives on the line day in and day out to protect us. Unfortunately my local police don't get my respect. On more then one occasion when the alarm at my shop has gone off I beat them to the store. Once was a false alarm and the other time was not. Just today driving the store truck out to make a delivery I get pulled over for unsecured load. Well my load was tied down the officer didn't like my rope it was not the approved rope for tying down loads. Fine I pull out a strap nope that won't work either it looked old and he told me I needed to replace them. Fine I figure walk into Kragen and get a new strap. Well thats all well and good but he still needs to write me a ticket anyway. Give me a break. So I go buy a new strap and get on my way 35 minutes later. On the way back he's got another flatbed pulled over and I can just imagine what he is writing this poor bastard up for. It seems to me it is more about revenue generation the protecting and serving nowadays.

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40 reasons to get drunk tonight

1. If you don’t drink that booze, by God, someone else will.

2. The brewing industry alone employs 1.7 million people and that’s a lot of mouths to feed.

3. Bad ass nicknames like “Chuggybear,” “The Alabama Hamma,” “Pukey McPukerson”
are not awarded to people who stay home to do laundry.

4. Your favorite bar stool needs just one more sitting to break it in.

5. This is the one and only night your soul mate will wander into the bar. Seriously.

6. Word on the street is the booze has been trash talking you all day.

7. Without your brilliant wit and charm all those poor bartenders will be so dreadfully bored.

8. Dude, after what you did last time, you gotta go back out there and explain yourself.

9. It’s far better to have a good time you won’t remember than a dull one you will.

10. Remember that English high school teacher you and your pals used to call “Mr. McTightass?” You are so starting to remind me of him.

11. You can bet something really important and worthy of celebration happened on this day at sometime or another.

12. How the hell can you walk around sober when you’re an insignificant speck in an infinite and uncaring universe?

13. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. So what are you, some kind of Nazi?

14. If you don’t you’ll wake up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and who the hell wants to go through life acting like a goddamn squirrel?

15. Your friends can’t have a good time without you.

16. Your friends might have a good time without you.

17. The Man says you shouldn’t and you don’t want to upset the Man, eh slavebot?

18. There is a 1000 percent better chance you will land a starring role in the upcoming Paris Hilton video Vegas Orgy.

19. Your lawn is so much more comfortable when you’re loaded.

20. You’re much less likely to remember doing all that embarrassing stuff.

21. That feisty barmaid might finally, you know, pick up on what you’re laying down.

22. Listen, are we down on this goddamn rock to have a good time or watch other people have a good time on TV?

23. Your girlfriend has rented a bunch of chick flicks you can snuggle to.

24. You’re under a lot of stress and if you don’t get crazy drunk you might do something crazy sober.

25. You gotta figure the odds of getting thrown in the drunk tank twice in one month are practically negligible.

26. If you don’t hunt the booze, the booze will surely hunt you.

27. When you write your memoirs you won’t have to go through the hassle of making up a bunch of decadent adventures.

28. Al-Qaeda forbids drinking and since when did you start taking orders from Al-Qaeda?

29. Let’s face it: modern life is a shit storm and booze is the only umbrella without any holes in it.

30. 7-11 nachos with extra cheese substitute and chili only taste good when you can’t remember eating them.

31. You did your goddamn monkey dance for the Man and now you get your monkey treat.

32. God hates the sight of you.

33. God won’t stop staring at you.

34. Your boss gets all weirded out when you get drunk during the day.

35. Three Stooges episodes you’ve watched a hundred times are suddenly hilarious again.

36. The day will come when you will have to single-handedly face death, and there isn’t a person alive who can tell you what will happen next.

37. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.

38. When your coworkers ask “What did you get up to last night?” you can smile all cool like and say “Maaaaaan, you don’t wanna know,” instead of chirping “I alphabetized my DVD collection and found out I have two copies of The Truth About Cats and Dogs! Two!”

39. Remember your childhood dream of meeting a brewery heiress and jet-setting around the world on her dime? You think that’s going to happen while sitting in your goddamn apartment watching Captain Picard surrender the Enterprise for the tenth straight episode?

40. It’s so much easier to ring up those old flames and explain exactly where they went wrong. —Frank Kelly Rich

[7 Comments]

DHL = Failure

When I send a package I usually use UPS I have always had good luck with them. When I order something I prefer UPS sometimes though you don't get a choice and they send it via DHL or Fed Ex. Now Fed Ex is okay but they really treat the packages worse then UPS. Now DHL on the other hand blows period. In the space of 6 months I have had 3 items shipped to me via DHL. One of them came regular ground and it showed up fine. Another was shipped 2 day and it showed up 4 days later then it should have. It seemed to have gotten shipped to the wrong sorting facility and then it just sat there for 3 days. That pissed me off but hey shit happens. The last package was shipped next day air. Guess what sent to the wrong facility again. I can only hope that the package will arrive safely. That is a 66% failure rate and that is not acceptable in my book. They messed up on two packages that were shipped with their priority delivery system. IF they take that bad of care with their priority deliveries I can only cringe at what they do with standard shipping.
DHL will no longer get any of my business.

[5 Comments]

New Leather Jacket

Well I received my new leather jacket today from Fox Creek Leather. It took me awhile to decide on style and make. I first wanted a USA made jacket as my previous jacket were made over seas and they did not last. My first jacket was a Wilson that I bought in high school and it started going down hill fast within 3 years the lining was in shreds and the zippers were falling apart. My second jacket I got ordered from Harley Davidson well when it showed up I look at the tag and it says made in Korea WTF. I asked for a refund and they said no way grumble grumble grumble. Well it lasted around 7 years and I have been riding with a jean jacket for a while. You all might say what the hell is he doing to his jackets? Nothing I tell ya I wear them and I clean and oil them every 4 months unless I hit a lot of rain or mud. I work in leather for a living so I know how to clean and condition to make an item last. Anyway I have high hopes for this jacket it is heavy in the way a quality leather jacket should be the stitching is tight with no loose ends it has plenty of vents to keep you cool while riding. The pockets are lined with heavy duty cordura so they will last. It has plenty of pockets for flasks,Ipods and other sundries. There is a large map pocket on the front that will be useful for larger items. So if any of you mooks are looking for a new leather check out Fox Creek Leather
www.foxcreekleather.com/327.html

[1 Comments]