My First Break Up Letter...Thoughts?

Dear TV,

We've been together...well since I was old enough to walk across the room and change the channels for my family (before we got the remote). Mom always allowed us to hang for scheduled shows when I was younger like The Electric Company, The Muppet Show or The Carol Burnett Show. But never too much, "TV will rot your brain," she warned. Except on Saturday mornings where she and dad slept in and I, armed with a bowl of Fruit Loops and my favorite stuffed animal had at least 4 - 5 hours free to watch such gems as The Land of the Lost (sssslllleeeestacks!), Fat Albert, Looney Tunes (unedited), Timer PSAs, Robotech, American Bandstand, Soooooooouuuul Train and much more. Saturday mornings were a bliss. We had such great laughs then.

We had some adventures too. Whether watching Mutual Omaha's Wild Kingdom ("Jim, why don't you jump out of that copter onto that Elk!?") or exploring the oceanic splendor of the sea with Jacques Cousteau, I learned about the world larger than my humble hometown or the city next door. You would even scare me and teach me to appreciate the bizarre and macabre by watching B movies on Creature Feature late at night. Godzilla, love at first sight. We had other types of adventures, like when I would wake up really late at night when everyone was suppose to be asleep and happen upon my brothers intently watching you with a scrambled screen. I thought you might have had people dancing but the muted sounds of a guy or girl or both or more lifting something really heavy, faster and faster and crying for God, made it hard for my kid brain to figure out. "You can't watch this!" My brothers would be panicked (for my welfare, right?) when they found me peeping around the sofa, transfixed. They would shove me out of the room fast and switch the channel to something else as they whispered in harsh tones, "Mom would KILL us cause...it's uh, it's bad for your eyes! Go play something in your room! Wait, why aren't you sleeping?"

And sports! My dad and I would watch the latest football or basketball games with you. We'd eat KFC's latest special and drink though a cooler filled with ice cold beers. His were Heinekens and mine were always A&Ws. We bonded and argued every play, every call while you shined and only occasionally fizzed the screen on a crucial play. Videogames! I can't even count since Atari how many systems and hours we've shared playing through countless games. Not to mention how you took me through Betamax to DVDs. Such good times. You've been part of so much good in my life. You've shown me places I haven't been able to travel, introduced me to new ideas and helped me to explore concepts I'd never considered. You expanded my mind. Through commercials you taught me about sex appeal, hygiene and the importance of dressing well. And whenever I was bored or didn't know what to do with myself, you were always there to offer some sort of amusement.

That's why writing this is so difficult and so long. We've been there for each other and over time we both have remained the same...and we've changed. You see I love you, but I'm not in love. I can't be with you anymore, not hot and heavy like we were. You really are sorta...rotting my brain and stifling me. I know you don't mean to but..you have grown with your added sex content, late night paid programming and satellite channels instead of just flying the American flag with the anthem playing, showing test patterns and then calling it a night. You entice at all hours now. And of course, those countless reality TV shows that repeat ad nauseam. I just need...I want to start reading and hanging out with more Books, more often. I want to play more games of cards and Monopoly, go for more walks that sort of thing. And...yeah Books and I we do have a thing, I won't hide it. There's a feeling I get reading books when my imagination is running wild and the weight of the books are in my hand. I feel more alive, more engaged in my life. So it's not you, you are great. And yes, I meant it when I said I understood about the whole needing to be polygamous thing for you with the rest of the world, this isn't about that. It's just me. I feel like I'm spending SO much time when I'm at ends letting you entertain me, I'm just not growing in other areas. I think with Books I can grow more meaningfully.

I know it's probably shitty of me to ask, but I want to know if we can still be friends? I want to still hang out together but kind of like mom taught me at scheduled specific times. You know I can't miss The Riches, Battlestar Galactica, Futurama, Robot Chicken, The Boondocks, Survivor, or any Discovery channel programs about Egypt. I need to see the news, sometimes. And really excellent videogames will always bring us together. I don't want to quit you exactly, I just want the way we relate to change. I don't want to be your lover, I want to be a dear friend who spends quality time with you. I tend to think given how many people you share yourself with in the long run, this will be good for both of us. You'll be okay.

Take a few days to consider and adjust. Please ask me any questions. I can use TIVO in the interim. And then...I'd like to set up a schedule so that when I turn you on and you give me what you offer, we both know we are going to enjoy our time.

Fondly and forever your friend,

Me

Posted by Maxxie @ 10:37 pm EDT | Permalink | 6 Comments

Thank You, Gary Gygax

I met you once at Gencon when I worked at one of the other company booths, across from yours. I was shy and couldn't figure out how to put my words together. The lady working the booth with you and I became booth buddies and she quickly recognized an opportunity for amusement after hearing me go from reasonable human being to stuttering fangirl whenever you were mentioned. She gleefully insisted I meet you because she liked how much I blushed as we talked. I admired you, you see. You showed so many of us how to engage our imaginations in an active way.

She shoved me in front of you during a lull and I remember your kind, expectant expression. I managed to stammer out a thank you and something about how honored I was to meet a man who inspired so many and especially me or some other bullshit as my palms became sweaty and my booth buddy held her stomach and stood behind you, laughing herself toward a hernia. You were totally cool, amused, gracious and said you were touched by my honesty. You teased me enough to make me blush, much to my booth buddy's delight. You signed a rulebook I had with me and urged me to always explore, investigate and take the adventurous route with everything I do. To have fun.

We spoke a bit longer as the first flush of fangirl geekdom simmered to reasonable human levels. We talked about the con, working the booths and what you had planned next. You had a great laugh. I remember thinking you could totally do Santa Claus duty, which then lead to odd thoughts of D&D adventuring Santa (wouldn't his Sack be a Bag of Holding, technically?)

All of my gaming culture started with the local boys in the neighborhood and two games: Top Secret and D&D/AD&D. I played them for years and by the time I found other worlds to explore, I appreciated the foundation D&D had given me. I knew nothing else in my gaming life would ever feel as true or compare to that innocent time of discovery and play with Rangers, vorpal swords, liches, taverns, loot and traps. I learned to be afraid of a deck of cards and always look up when entering any dungeon. D&D helped me develop my imagination, sense of play and adventure, and honed my ability to think through consequences to actions; all skills and joys that have been valuable through my entire life.

Thank you. Roll the dice, play and have fun on your next grand adventure. You are still admired and will always be missed by this fangirl.

Posted by Maxxie @ 12:02 pm EDT | Permalink | 6 Comments

Hello Again.

I don't want to dwell and blah blah blah, but I want to explain where I've been why I faded out. There is a difference between saying you are ok, healed and moving on and actually being those things.

I lied to a lot of people and mostly myself when I said that I was back to myself months back. The loss of my father was and is a huge emotional blow to my mother, my family and me. I will never be fully healed. We were too close for me to say that. Holidays and special moments of tradition that we shared I honor alone or differently and as this is a year of firsts for all that it's been a bitch. I know this is the way of life, to every season turn turn, we all gotta go sometime, and my favorite "at least he lived a long life." Blah, blah, blah. Knowing that he lived fairly long or this was inevitable doesn't make it feel better when you love someone deeply and they pass on, at least in my book. Still, it is what it is.

But I can and do persist. I support the others who feel the loss. And now I truly smile, laugh and go on. I swagger. I have a voice again and enough time has passed to allow a point of view not borne out of sadness or trying to mask it. I have thoughts to share and hopefully you will want to hear some of them and share your thoughts back with me.

So my posts from here on out will be as moved. And they won't all be about gaming though, I maintain for me at a predominantly gaming oriented site I'm hardly about to go on about super personal stuff (like this) unless it is relevant and relates to gaming or an interest. I don't intend to get too far off of likely common interests we may share (assorted geekdoms, movies, film, humor etc.,). Finances in my current world are tight ( I suspect I'm not the only one) thus all my gaming machines are generations behind the curve. Yet, I am a gaming woman through and through so I must work with what I've got because I have got to play. I can't NOT talk about gaming -- it really is a great passion. I play when I can and swagger challenge others, shamelessly. Heck, I have a bevy stories to share about my gaming industry past. Tales of hotel parties, software and console launches, state of games, industries, "creative game positioning," E3, hotels, drunken party stunts, industry evolution... and how I grew up among all of it. Really, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even some of the truly miserable parts.

I'll try not to sound like an old curmudgeon about it all either because frankly people, I'm many things but not that. I'm me, cool and just a bit older. Probably like you.

Anyway, hello again or nice to meet you. I hope you are well, happy and gaming like demon.

I'm Maxxie. And God (or deities - however you believe) know...I love to play.

Posted by Maxxie @ 2:17 am EDT | Permalink | 4 Comments

Tabula Rasa?

Anyone? Anyone? Server? For some reason I'm feeling pulled to play and so my game is en route. Anyone Beta - was it worth it? Let me know!

Thanks for looking!

M-

Posted by Maxxie @ 3:21 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

Your Attention Please:

1) I have recently acquired a PC that is fairly robust has video card AND runs XP. (Stats to be updated once confirmed this is a made for me PC) I've been Mac girl for about 5 years (I "borrow" friends PCs when I visit to play some stuff). Needless to say, I'm a bit giddy and my brain is locked-up on what to get to play. So what PC games should I run and get please? I'll try anything twice. Anyone?

2) Videos and articles about Mass Effect makes me feel funny inside. The good funny. Is this natural?

Thanks for looking!

M-

Posted by Maxxie @ 1:01 am EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments