Considering a Vasectomy?

Just read some of GIJoeBob's posts and thought I'd put a little info out there too.

The typical vasectomy takes roughly 8-15 minutes to perfom depending on the skill level of the surgeon/urologist and the type of procedure they are performing. Some do local anesthetic only. For comfort reasons, I would look for performance with IV sedation, usually Versed and Demerol, but general can be utilized easily as well, if health of the patient allows. If anything other than local is used, someone needs to drive you home.

A 1/4" to 1/8" incision is made on each side of the scrotum, then the vas deferens (sperm tube) is dissected away from the spermatic veins and excised giving you two ends of a tube. Some will cauterize the ends, others will use surgical grade stainless clips to close the tubes. The risk of the 2 two tubes overlapping or meeting end to end and recanalizing(becoming patent, thus making you fertile again) is about 1 in 2,000. The incision can be closed with adhesive glues/bandages, suture, or hemostatic clamping (nothing to take out later). There are incisionless procedures out there....you can do the reading and make your own decision.

You can generally resume any activity 24 hours later with no injury worries. Swelling and discomfort will vary from person to person. A weekend usually does the trick.....Although some will be fine the very next day, the unfortunate can have up to 14 days of unpleasant tenderness, although this is uncommon.

A sample will need to be provided to the surgeon to check for sperm after roughly 20 ejaculations. Whether that takes 3 days or 2 months is up to you, your wife, and Johnson's baby oil. And yes, the sample can be stored in the fridge. Remember!! You are just as fertile when you leave as when you stepped in the door....until that sample is cleared.

Points to remeber:

1. Your sex drive is not affected. Really, it's not.

2. Yep, you will still see an ejaculate, as the vast majority of what you see is secretion from the prostate, not sperm.

3. Use some form of birth control until your sample is cleared.

If anyone has questions, feel free to ask away.

..however due to the insidious nature of society, that I seem to be relieved from temporarily here I must put...

(DISCLAIMER: The above information is accurate and correct. Consult your family doctor for any medical advice. The author cannot be held liable for the information contained herein.)

Hospital Charting

Medical transcriptionists have a rough job. The lingo is often times bewildering. Add in an accent, background noise, and the blazing run-through of pertinent negatives... the result can be indecipherable. Here are a few examples a patient gave me today:

The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.

The patient refused an autopsy.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Examination of genitalia revealed that he is circus sized.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Occassional constant infrequent headaches.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

The lab tests indicate abnormal lover function.

The Asparagus Battle...

I consider myself to relatively open-minded when it comes to food, especially fruits and vegetables. If nothing else, it's a job and lifestyle requirement. How can you tell someone they need to exercise and eat healthy to lose some weight if you happen to be a pot-bellied slob youself? But I digress...

For the past 3 months, I've tried to capture one of the few green vegetables whose taste has eluded me...The asparagus. A member of the Lily family, high in fiber, a good source of potassium as well as Vitamin C, it's low in sodium, and is free of fat and cholesterol. While all these things are quite wonderful, it also seems totally unfit for human consumption. In the battle of the palate, I've grilled it with chicken, sauteed extensively with mushrooms, lightly baked with salmon fillets and lime juice.....Don't try these. Trust me.

All of this leads to this evening. As a last resort, I decide to simply boil the wretched weed. After 10 minutes in a full roll, I extracted a a number of spears onto a plate, carefully avoiding the aroma and any possible premonitions it might impart to my sensibilities. Stabbing one of medium size, and engulfing it in a gnashing of teething, I tried to just get the thing down as expeditiously as possible. Not fast enough.

Mid-chew my neck started to tighten, and I started to sweat. Just swallow. Chew quicker. Don't think. Swallow. Swallow. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO IT.

...Having completed the task, I've now had a moment to realize a few things. One being that a pot of boiled asparagus smells as if you've stewed a great batch of rotted peas to the brink of burning. Second being the taste could only compare to that of a homeless man's ass.

Consider yourself lucky...someone warned you.