Bugs and Errors and Glitches... OH MY!

Dear Ubisoft,

Suck my left testicle.  Now that that is out of the way, lets talk about why I hate your game.  I hate your game because you were so short on real content that you put collection-missions in EVERY FUCKING PART OF YOUR FUCKING SHITTY ASS FUCKING GAME!  Even the main story requires collection missions!  That's just fucking lazy.  Just a word of advice, when you make flag collection and templar killing the backbone of your game, since the story is so fucking short I can beat it in a few hours, maybe... I dunno... have the fucking common fucking sense to make sure you don't ship your fucking game without all the glitches fucking fixed.  Just a thought.

It's really bad when someone who has the dedication to create a site just to help people collect flags and kill templars decides to put this as the first entry into his FAQs:

Q. I can’t find Flag/Templar number X, is this a glitch?
A. While glitches do happen all too often in this game, not being able to find a Flag/Templar is often not a glitch. Before deciding that you have a glitch, you should go through each Flag/Templar in order making sure to line up your screen exactly with the picture on the map. More often than not, people find that they were in the wrong place and marked of a Flag/Templar that they have not collected.

Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking maybe I messed up when I was trying to kill templars and find flags, maybe I missed one or was looking in the wrong place.  NOPE!  I MADE A FUCKING LIST AND CHECKED OFF EVERY FUCKING FLAG IN THE KINGDOM... except the one that doesn't spawn... even after I've cleared my cache, rebooted, and lost my fucking mind.  But you know what, I've opened Pandora's Box and I'm not stopping until I've closed it.  I'll start an entirely new game and go through every collection, one by fucking one, and beat you at this shitty fucking game.  But I'm not going to do this until I can somehow get the game for free.  That's right, your game isn't even worth $10 or however much it's on sale at Wal-mart for.

See, here's the thing, I really really want to make games... but when that dream finally starts becoming a reality I'm going to use this polished fucking shit-ball as an example of "What not to do."  

Oh and just a note to anyone reading this; don't waste your money or time on the strategy guide.  It comes with maps for the collections; but they're as fucking useless as a dick with no pee-hole.  The rest of the book is even less helpful since a 5yr old with Down's Syndrome could beat this game.  If you want any actual help, look online, or go to the following site for help with the flags (he had the brains to make maps and include text/images to help you find what you're looking for):

http://www.assassinscreed-maps.com/

Jade Raymond would like us to know the game was made by a multi-ethnic multi-religious group working harmoniously together...

I say that's because they were too busy smoking up during "team building exercises" to spend any real time making a game worth more than $15.

Flags and Rats and Templars... OH MY!

I am about to start my flag/templar hunt in Assassin's Creed and lemmie just say it now... fuck this game!

I get it.  You want me to explore your "vast and impressive world."  You've created a fucking gotta-catch-em-all graffiti hunt achievement that keeps me from being done with this game unless I play ball.  Well fuck you, Ubisoft!  I'm playing ball. I know I won't like it; but I'm doing it so I'm done with your shit.  And when I'm making games that outsell this over-hyped piece of turd, I'm going to give players actual reasons to explore.  I'll make exploration fun.  The incentive will be exploring.  You'll want to explore my worlds because you know you'll have fun doing it. I won't tie some collect-them achievement to it, I'll be smart enough to tie exploration into the story's development.  So for now, while I'm still a nobody, fuck you.  Fuck your flags and templars.  Fuck GTA's flying rats.  As far as I'm concerned, once I'm in, I'm gunning for your asses... and when I find your asses I'm shoving flying rat flags up your out hole.