Being Ready

At 33 years of age, I can look back at life and see times where I missed opportunities of one kind or another because "I wasn't ready" at the time for that opportunity.  Perhaps the timing didn't feel right, or I was uncomfortable with my ability to handle the situation, or I didn't know what impact my choices would have on others.  Too many complexities to name well may have frozen the decision making process prematurely.  And, now, there are occasions were a missed past opportunity can bring forth a twinge of regret.  What I want to do is realize that sometimes, I can't be ready for something - sometimes life dumps circumstances in my lap and I have to deal with it.  Circumstances come 'now' and not dealing with it in the present quickly turns it into a missed opportunity that will always be in the past and unrecoverable.

Sometimes, I miss an opportunity because I feel I have to "do other things" first, when in reality dealing with the circumstance at hand would've taken care of the other issues.  I had a window of opportunity where I could've moved to Portland or Seattle, once.  But, I 'wasn't ready' - I had so many loose ends to tie up with moving and packing, getting myself ready emotionally, blah blah blah.  Looking for a job long distance was the most challenging and frustrating aspect.  At the end of the day, though, when the window closed I realized that - yes, all the details are important.  But if I had just moved - just leaned into it - I would've forced my own hand on the other issues and had to deal with them and learn what I was made of at the core.  Sometimes I spend so much time ordering my house that I forget where I want to live.

What I want in long term relationships may require leaning into opportunities in front of me even when it's hard - allowing myself to stretch and grow by doing rather than preparing.  And that's scary - that's where loss of control and fear creap in - when I feel I'm flying high without a net.  But that's also where the opportunities lie.  Desiring to do something, having the opportunity and turning away to prepare pushes that dream further away and builds a foundation to turn away should the circumstance present itself again. 

I could prepare and prepare to have a kid, or not prepare at all - but by example, if a child came into my life, I'd step up - I'd be a good father.  I'd be scared, make mistakes, and feel out of control.  But the doing would build my character.  Going away to deal with my emotions on children wouldn't raise the child and would have its own long term consequences.  So, I must seize the day - I've discussed before how tenuous life is, so when circumstances arrive I will push into them rather than prepare for them no matter how scary it is.  And that will create my readiness.  Preparation through action.

"If at the end of your life all you have are experiences and relationships, make them extraordinary."

[side note: I'm not moving or having a child - these were examples from either past experiences or thought processes, not current events]