Liberty City Police Profile

Yesterday I was walking to a car I had stolen earlier that morning after eating a burger for breakfast. I had gotten into a scrape the night before and needed to replenish some health. Before I got to the car my phone rang. It was Brucie and I knew he wanted an update on that little job he asked me to do for him so I answered it. As I was answering the phone I accidentally bumped into this black guy wearing an all white sweat suit.

Now, because I was on the phone I couldn't get in the car so I just stood there while I listened to Brucie ramble on about how he was "genetically different" all the while thinking how much I'd like to know what the back of his head would look like after a bullet had passed through it. The whole time this black dude is just standing there eyeballing me. As soon as I hang up the phone, another black dude (I think it was his twin brother because they looked identical and were wearing the same clothes) came over and the two started to beat on me.

So naturally I took my out my Louisville Slugger and started crackin' skulls. At that very moment a cop car drove by and they came after me too.

I mean what the hell, I was just trying to defend myself from a couple guys trying to beat me up for bumping into one of them and the cops want to arrest me? Go figure.

But since I'm an Eastern European immigrant the cops must have figured I was a bad guy.

So I took out my combat shotgun and showed them what kind of trouble profiling gets you. When I had reduced them both to bloody heaps of rotting flesh on the pavement, I stole their police car and ran down the two guys that started the whole mess to begin with.

I tell you it was not the way I had planned to start the morning.

Posted by syphaqlies on Tue Jun 3, 2008 @ 4:47 pm EDT | 0 Comments