Family....

Well this will be a somber entry, I found out on Saturday that my dad went into to cardiac arrest and was sent by ambulance to HArris in Downtown Fort Worth.  He was placed in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit.  The doctors say that he has 1 valve that is not functioning at all, and two that are functioning at 50% each. I wanted to go see him, but at the same time I didn't.  Matt convinced me that I should go, because if something happened I would regret not going and seeing him one last time.  So I ventured off to Downtown Fort Worth by myself, which for anyone who knows me, knows I am no directional. LOL.  Of course I got lost.  But I finally made it, and when I got there he looked so horrible I couldn't believe it.  I stayed and we talked, about a lot of things..some important, some from the past. I realized after I had been there for a few hours that I just couldn't leave.  I stayed all night. The doctors told me that he should recover, however he will be on lots of heart medicine and he will have to change his lifestyle a bit.  I hope he is around to really enjoy his grandkids.  We haven't always had the most solid relationship, but at the end of the day we are family and when worset comes to worset...he was there to lend a hand if he had the means to.  Seeing him in the hospital bed, made me realize how important family really is and to have a strong connection between your loved ones.  My family is not perfect, but for the most part we do what we can when it is needed.  I haven't been on the giving end of that in some time.  Trying to get back our lives back on track.  Its hard when you get behind, seems like you are never gonna catch up.  I guess you pay what you can and hopefully the rest will work out.

Sharon is upset with me, but I can see where her anger is justified to a point.  I should have called her and told her that my dad was in bad shape and that I didn't want to leave him.  I take full responsibility for not communicating, what can I say, I fucked up. But to be honest, I knew that she knew he was in CICU, and I guess I figured that she would know that I was at the hospital...I wasn't thinking clearly, all I could think about was him laying there in that hospital bed and never seeing him walk out of that room again.  I had a lot to say, and I listened a lot.  My dad has by no means been a parental role model.  Sometimes I think that he just wasn't meant to have children.  He was very selfish in his ways.....most of the time.  Then out of the blue, he would suprise you and come and fix your A/C, your back door and a kitchen cabinet. LOL.  He has good in him, sometimes it is just hard to see on the surface.  I hope that he has a full recovery, and lives to be 80+.  Maybe this is the wake up call he needed.  I know he has good intentions, he has one of the kindest hearts you could imagine, that is when it is exposed.  He would bend over backward to help you if it was with in his power.  HE has his faults and his weaknesses, which is where we lose most of him too.  I just pray and hope that he makes it through this and becomes a stronger individual...I want to see more of the "Good, caring, loving, Tony" Hopefully I will get my chance.