Styrofoam's Blog - 2old2play

I really should update this thing ...

... and I really should update that butt ugly gif banner up there, but I can't be arsed to. I'm to busy playing last years edutainment titles (yes that means Playboy mansion and iloveporn.com ... what ?? Porn is both educating and entertaining).

Since I'm in here, I might as well post something game related (if for no other reason, than to uphold my own codec of only posting game related stuff ... besides the wife won't let me moon the webcam *sigh* )

On to the game related stuff (yes, it get's boring from here on in). Ever hear of Defcon?
Superb litle title, but don't take my word for it, here's the game's tagline as proof: The World's first Genocide 'em up ... If that don't excite you as much as that kentuckyian cousin of yours, then I don't know what will.
It's a Real Time Strategy with pretty much everything aside from the figting removed ... well almost everything.

A match will usually take 10-20 minutes, during which you'll be dropping nukes and scrambling bombers left and right, and if you join a multiplayer game chances are you'll also be treating you allies to a nice cup of weapons graded uranium ... Tasty.

A game goes like this:
Defcon 5: Place missile silos, airbases, radars etc.
Defcon 4: Same as above, but your radars will now start picking up enemy movement and missile placements
Defcon 3: Fighting commences ... with conventional weapons only ... BOOH
Defcon 2: same as above
Defcon 1: YIIEEE HAAAARHH! Bombs away, watch those babies sail into the stratosphere before descending on you enemies (and allies). get those pop corn ready, because things will get hot.

Official site: http://www.introversion.co.uk/defcon/

(I guess the morale of the story is i should see someone about my paranthesis addiction)

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Download Psi-Ops:The Mindgate Conspiracy for free

Yup, that's right, a free PC game that's not more than 10 years old.
Of course there's a catch, it's add supported. I haven't tried it myself yet, so i can't comment on how the ads actually work, but i assume they're non-gamebreaking (otherwise it defeats the purpose of having an ad supported game).

PsiOps is a 3rd person action game. If you're waiting for Force Unleashed this might hold you over, as it involves and emphatizes kinetic powers (ie. you can move stuff with your mind). Great title.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Download Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy and enjoy this violent run and gun action game featuring a host of amazing psychic abilities for FREE! This is the entire PC version of the game ad supported to make it a 100% free game.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Get it here: http://www.fileplanet.com/187537/180000/fileinfo/Psi-Ops:-The-Mindgate-Conspiracy-(Free-Game)
... and if you don't like FilePlanet, give it a few hours, and it'll be all over the P2P networks.

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PC: Huxley officialy announced for N. America and Europe

I guess tank is getting real old, since he forgot this in his otherwise brilliant monday update

Press Release
NHN USA, a subsidiary of NHN, the largest Korean Internet company, announced today that it has secured the rights to publish the long-awaited Huxley in North America and Western Europe. Bringing online gamers everywhere closer to the chance to exercise their fragging skills against thousands of other players in the first twitch-action massively multiplayer online first-person shooting (FPS) game Huxley, the online shooter is slated to arrive on the PC via ijji.com in late 2008.

"Huxley is one of the most anticipated online games currently in development, and we are very excited to bring the triple-A title to Western audiences," said Whon Namkoong, CEO, NHN USA, Inc. "Huxley provides gamers with a unique and compelling experience that gamers everywhere are sure to enjoy. The revolutionary online shooter is a welcome addition to ijji.com, the site where millions of fans can play it later this year."

Huxley is the first massively multiplayer online (MMO) game to combine the twitch-based fast-action gameplay of a first person shooter (FPS) with the cerebral character development of an MMO to deliver an intense and exciting online entertainment experience of a complete MMOFPS. Players will be drawn into the genre-bending game play, riveting cinematic graphics and intricate setting of Huxley, where they will choose between two races, Sapiens or Alternatives and struggle to obtain a powerful energy source while fighting endless battles against the Hybrids, a mysterious third group born of the two races.

Developed by Webzen, Huxley will be released by NHN USA for the PC and be available to play on the publisher's renowned gaming portal ijji.com in late 2008. More information will be available shortly at www.ijji.com.

Source: www.maxconsole.net/
Huxley Official Site: www.huxleygame.com/

I would've posted this as news on the front of 2o2p, but either the news function or Doodie is mad at me ... not sure which
(yes, that was tongue-in-cheek )

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This is not a complaint ...

... because I love GTA4 as much as the next guy, but there is one thing, I don't understand (actually there's a lot i don't understand, women for starters, but I'll save that for another entry).
Everyone is talking about the power of next-gen consoles (even if it is the current gen), and how fantastic it is, but games for the 7th generation of consoles (current gen) seem to misuse that power in a quest to satisfy Timmie's hunger for better graphics.

As you may have suspected from the first line of this little speech, I'll use GTA4 as an example. This game has recieved almost all 10/10s despite one major flaw, that's been present since the first iteration.
Cars. Yup, there are a lot of them and they do look nice, but R* needs a better algorithm for spawning them. Where ever you go, cars identical to your own dominate the streets. It's a bit weird to go through Bohan in a SuperGT only to spot 5 of them lined up next to each other outside the projects. It pulls you out of the story. Admitted it's no big deal, I just don't understand why devs don't spend processing power fixing stuff like that.
I guess Timmie only care about better gfx, and therefor things like this, pop-ups and pop-ins take a backseat.

Next on styro's blog:
Barbie dress-up clone starring Bernie!!
There's a sub game any warm blooded male gamer can relate to

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That Special Someone ...

WARNING!
Gta 4 spoilers ahead

What a great little mission. So simple, yet so powerful.
As I was heading for Francis Intl to collect the package, the anticipation was almost unbearable. Finally, I'd get my revenge.

... or so I thought. After watching the fmv, I found myself spending several minutes thinking hard on wether or not to kill Darko.
I couldn't decide. On one hand I was thinking live and let live (did that with Vlad), on the other hand I could really understand Niko's motive for killing Darko,. I eventually decided that with all Niko's gone through to get his revenge and the traits he'd shown throughout the story a headshot seemed fitting. I even felt his relief to such a degree, that emptied an entire gun clip into Darko's dead body.

Great gaming moment ... and very disappointing in retrospective.
I was more immersed in the character than any film or game had managed to do before this, I actually felt for this poor slavic bastard, and I couldn't wait for, or imagine, the impact and repercussions this would have on and for Niko. Sadly it has none.
No matter what you choose, Roman will give a little preachy speech, Niko will comment on it, only difference is a few phrases. The entire game is practically one big build-up to this moment. Everything Niko's said and done up untill this point has been with this one goal in mind: Get revenge on Darko. What a wasted opportunity by Rockstar

... at least I had some fun on my way through Liberty City

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GTA 4 reviewed by my granddad.

#¤@@##§GODDAMNGOODFERNUTHINCRAPPYPIECEOFSHIT$$&}#@$¤!!!
That pretty much sums up this pile of dogshit excuse for a game. What the heck does young people see in this anyway??
You drive around doing absolutely nothing, that is when you're not robbing, killing or causing general havoc. I fail to see the difference between this and what I see outside my window every day. Filthy, lazy and unemployed foreigners spending their days sucking on this mighty nation's tit.They should all be driven to the border and given the bum's rush.

So there I was driving in, what's supposedly, a sportscar, only it handles worse than my lorry (incl. tools). I was told this was as close as you could get to real life in a videogame, so I assumed I'd just have to get the car overhauled and serviced before it was useable. Wrong! The so called service I got at this Pay'n'Spray was on par with WalMart on a sunday morning, when only pimple faced, hung over adolescents are on duty. They just splashed a new coat of paint on my car, and when i went back in to complain, they did it again. They should thank their lucky stars, I didn't have Margaret with me. Pay'n'Spray is just another low quality/high prices chain, which only serves on purpose: Drive out honest hardworking men, who actually care about their customers. That of all things, they got right.

As I was leaving the pay'n'Spray (§##&/#@$¤) this cellphone starts ringing. I don't own a cellphone, so what in hell convinced the so called Rockstars, I want one in this game??! At least they put in a feature to ignore it, so I did. Only for the damn thing to ring again 2 minutes later. Ignore. And so things went on for the next 10 mins, untill I finally decided to pick up. "Hello". Whaddaya know, it's another of those lowlife scumbags, that's snuck over the border, and this one openly suggests I should commit some form of crime. This is when i screamed into the microphone: "YOU SNOTNOSED MONKEY LOVER. I'VE STOOD UP FOR YOUR GOAT EATING COUNTRYMEN DURING WORLD WAR II AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME AND 1000S OF OTHER HONEST MEN!!". I guess I hit a sore spot, because he promptly ended the conversation.

I decided to go look for honest work, as this would show this foreign leech, Niko bellic, the value of sweating for your pay. It wasn't long before I found a scafolding, but as is the norm with young people these days no one was working there. I can only assume they were to drugged up to show up for work, so i took matters into my own hands and climbed up to finish whatever they were building. This is when nostalgia hit me. I remembered the old days, when we used to whistle at skirts. Good times. Of course I love my wife, but I don't see any harm in looking at the bee's knees. So I did. Whistling didn't produce the desired effect though. No dames turned around to let you know they appreciated the compliment, instead a cab on the other side of the street pulled over.
At this point I noticed a strange orange light coming under a bridge behind the cab, and decided to investigate. Low and behold, there was a nice looking shotgun, not as fine as Margaret, but fine enough for me. I decided to call her Greta, and went back my car. Only it wasn't my car. This scumbag I was supposed to be controlling, decides to smash the window on a parked car instead of taking his own sedan. Luckily a police officer was nearby, so I started yelling to him, that I didn't do it, and I had no idea why this scuzzbucket all of sudden started stealing cars. The police officer must've heard me, cause he proceeded to draw his sidearms and shoot this Niko Bellic character. Now normally I don't mind foreigners being shot, they always have it coming anyway, but this officer of the peace was a lousy shot and his shooting was clearly scaring honest men and women in the vicinity. I tried to calm him down over the microphone, but he ignored my pleas, so I had to draw out Greta and shoot him for the sake of the bystanders. I didn't bother to look for a payphone to call 911, since I could already hear an ambulance approaching.

I found my sedan and went to look for work elsewhere, only to be stopped by some woman chattering on her cellphone in the middle of a crossing, despite it being a clear red for her. Once again I had to give these people a piece of my mind, so I stepped out of the car and yelled "GET OUTTA THE WAY LADY!! I'M DRIVING HERE, SOME OF US ACTUALLY HAVE WORK TO DO!!"
This is when I noticed the 5 police cars and machine gun toting officers, but before i could explain what had happened, I was shot dead.
That seemed like an appropriate lesson to Niko Bellic, and on that note I turned off the machine.

All in all this game seemed realistic as far as foreigners and car services go, I only wish the police were as dilligent as they are in this game, then we wouldn't have all these criminals running around.

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Jack Thompson is right!

Videogames deprave our children, and I'm glad someone finally steps up to the plate and take
a swing at the culprits responsible for this depravation. I want to be able to leave my
children in front of a computer or console for hours at a time, without having to worry about
them being exposed to content, that will scar them for life, or even worse make criminals out
of them.

On that note I want Mario banned from every retailer in the world. I don't like the idea of
my children looking up to an obese, italian plumber, and especially one as morally inept as
Mario. Is this really a rolemodel for our children??
I say nay. Mario is a drug abusing psychopath. When he's not getting high on mushrooms, he
spends his time jumping on innocent animals or smashing them with a huge mallet.
If that's not enough, Nintendo also decided to promote littering and road rage. I'm talking
about Mario Kart. This game series only teaches children, that it's okay to throw trash on
the road, ram into each other when in control of a motorized vehicle and in general pay no
attention to speed limits. To add insult to injury the cruelty towards animals seems to be a
recurring theme. If you're out of trash, then by all means throw whatever is at hand after
other motorists. It doesn't matter if it's an animal or not, as long as you get your revenge.

Finally, the newest games in the Mario universe have taken the drug abuse up one notch. It's
no longer enough to have the main character eat mushrooms, Nintendo wants children to
experience what it's like to be on drugs by letting them fly around among the stars, which is
nothing but a glorification of a so called "high". I've never experimented with drugs myself,
but let me tell you this: a drug "high" is nothing like flying among the stars. It's a brain
melting experience that more often than not will leave the abuser in a psychosis.

We need to stop this kind of filth at the source. A worldwide ban of the Mario games is not
enough, Nintendo will have to close down to make sure we can leave our children unattended in
front of a console or computer. How can these people live with themselves?? Do their families
even know what they're doing for a living??

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Videogame Villains I could beat up

Before you read this you should know, that I am by no means what would pass as a man in British Columbia. The closest thing I've ever been to working out is watching weightlifting. I wear specs and is more proficient with a computer than I ever will be with a broad sword (this includes the digital kind). In short, I would probably stand a better chance as a Victoria's Secret model, than as a bouncer at a nightclub. Still I recon I could beat up the following pussy villains if I met them in the flesh.

Team Rocket (Pokemon):
Let's see a wannabe goth with purple hair dressed up to match his girlfriend's outfit. Said the girlfriend is a whiney redhead, who'll start crying as soon as she's met with the slightest resistance. Oh, and that annoying cat (of course all cats are). No problem. I'd bitch slap James a few times just to show "him" I want my beer cold as a polar bear's asshole. Go fetch boy! This should also be enough to turn on the Jesse fosset, and if it isn't, a few good punches to her kindey will. Of course I could also beat them into submission with an assortment of hamsters, rats and mice, just to show them other cool uses for pets. The cat just needs a duct tape treatment, a price tag and a lot no. on eBay, I'm pretty sure a talking cat would net me a nice amount.

Eggman (Sonic):
A fat, geriatric circus runaway in a wheelchair or hover chair (or whatever that is), that continually get's his ass handed to him by a hedgehog. Aw come on, a piss in the electrical systems should short that chair-thingy out, leaving him open for a gently push over the edge of Patronas Tower ... and when I say gentle I mean hard, and when I say push, I mean kick in the teeth. Effect is the same.

Psycho Mantis (MGS):
This is just plain stupid. "Let's send an anorexiac, gasmask wearing leather fetischist after whoever's trying to get to us. Better let him play with vibrating toys too to make sure any potential threat dies laughing."
I'm not even sure, I even need to smack this scrawney wanker around to beat him. I would shove every claire voyant themed book out there up his ass ... if I wasn't sure he'd just enjoy that.

Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde (Pacman):
I don't believe in ghosts, so this must be 4 midgets, who've raided a gay parade wardrobe. Wearing a hippie pncho with no hole for the head doesn't scare anyone. It doesn't matter how fast you can run, try picking a fight wearing a sheet, and see who wins.
As for these four assclown, 2 hours on 95 degrees celcius should shut them up.

Bowser (Mario):
An overgrown turtle with filed down teeth, and he doesn't even know kung-fu. Ooh, I'm so scared. It's a freaking turtle for crying out loud.
Turn it on it's back, match over.

I win!

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It's a Brave New World

... and I'm not talking the Aldous Huxley kind of brave new world. I'm talking the kind where computers, cell phones, transportable media players and other electronic gadgetry is a pivotal part of everyones life ... along with all those manuals, chargers and cables of course. Setting up your TV is no longer a matter of plugging in 2 cables and hooking it up to a power outlet. Nope. These days setting up a HD tv requires nothing short of a ph.d in electro-mechanics (with a minor in arts to get the right color scheme).
Squeezebox no longer means, what you think it means, now it refers to a whole new kind of entertainment unit.

What this means - besides a rise in domestic disturbances due to angry dads rampaging living rooms in frustration over taiwanese manuals they can't understand - is that we should soon see a new kind of bully in the school yard. Gone are the days of the jock, who'll beat any oppositon to a bloody pulp or make the scrawney kids eat ladybugs. Enter the geek, who'll keep his peers knee deep in mp3s, games and free porn. Instead of beating anyone up, he'll send them a warning in the guise of a nice email bomb or a ddos attack on you fave web 2.0 application, and if he really wants to get even he'll get a keylogger and/or trojan on to your computer and suck your trustfund dry.

No more "Back down assclown, or I'll fuck you up so bad, you own mom won't recognize you".
Enter "Go home and learn to write your own drivers, you pansy" or "Shaddap you good-fer-nuthin' 404 head"

... Now gimme some positive feedback on this entry, or I'll post all those enbarrasing photos on your D: drive in the NSFW forum

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Confessions of a 16 bit graphics whore

Today I was browsing through the Hall of Light (Amiga games database), when I realized something. I'm a 16 bit graphics whore!
I'm so ashamed. I always advocate gameplay over graphics, ALWAYS, and then this hits me right in the groin like a 300 pund lumber jack wearing safety boots. Ouch.

I only stopped at games with lush graphics. Games like Chaos Engine, Blood Money and Speedball 2, and thinking back those were all superb games, but so was SWOS, Nebulus and Tetris. Had i pushed those aside due to lacklustre graphics, then I'm not sure, I would've have been the person I am today. Admitted, that's exagerated, but those title mentioned are all personal classics, that were part of my gaming upbringing. Imagine me browsing through the same database in 1993 looking for games worthy of some intimate time with X-Copy, I could easily have missed out on some true gems.

I think I need some quality time together with WinUAE, maybe I missed out on something stellar.

16 bit rules

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Viking: Battle for Asgard

Sorry to disappoint you gents. There is no nudity in this game, might as well save your money for a few quality porn site subscriptions.

OK, that's not completely true. there is something resembling a washed down version of Blue Hustler; Freya's sideboob ... and her adversariy Hel is prancing around in a rather skimpy outfit. What I don't understand tho', is why they don't settle it like real women. That means locking lips and rolling around naked in a puddle of mud.
So what it comes down to, is you paying £40 for 2-3 sideboob glimpses from a princess Leia look-a-like *sigh*

What I don't get is how creative Assembly can get away with this. Conan was released less than 2 months ago, and that game flashes titties right in yer face right from the get go. Any game with that much balls deserves to sell 100 million copies (trhat's roughly the entire gameplaying world). Of course watching Conan's ass for the rest of the game drags that number down a bit ... except in San Francisco I suspect. Still, tits WOOHOOO!!

So what else is in Viking, or more like who else ... and is she wearing any clothes??
You'll come across a few women, or more like the same woman, wearing the exact same 20 layers dress. Come on this is a scandinavian chick. That means she's blonde, delicious and more than willing to put out. have you CA even seen what scandinavian girls look like these days. here's a hint, they live by the MTV-megastar credo: less is better. meaning skimpy outfits only. But the girl in Viking seems to have missed that point completely, making her nothing but a boring distractiopn, that'll keep you occupied for the 5 secs it takes for your dvd player to boot up the latest Silvia Saint fuck-a-thon.

Unless you're into something weird like lotsa blood, dismemberments, axes, cages and ogrish looking guys, then stay clear of this POS

... oh and here's some inspiration to how it should've been done

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What's wrong with me?!

I don't like First Person Shooters. It's not that I hate them, I just find them to be boring. Much like any EA sports game I'd rather spend a romantic evening in bed with my old math teacher, than I want to waste time on this rehashed dribble. Apparently this is not a valid oppinion in most gaming communities. Timmie will start screaming leet speak ... sorry 1337 sp34k at me for not wanting to perform fellatio on the entire Bungie staff. He fails to see past all the eye candy, and realize that at heart, this is the exact same game he's been playing for the last 3 iterations *cough* Halo
I'm probably only one out of a total of 12 people who bought Crackdown for Crackdown, and not for the coveted Halo 3 beta.

Sometimes I think, I'm the only person in the entire gameplaying world who doesn't enjoy FPSes. I did once. I've spent countless hours playing Doom with my mates back in the early 90s, laughing manically at the screen whenever I took out an opponent with a well aimed rocket to the groin. I've completed Half Life, Black Hawk Down, NOFL and Black, but other than that, I've found FPSes about as exciting as sticking my left arm out of the window.

... and another thing ... No wait, that's not really rant-esque enough.
I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING HERE, SO SIT DOWN AND SHADDAP! (Better?? )
It seems every other FPS out there is WW2 themed. There are only so many ways you can keep playing the same missions. It's always equip your Carbine and handgrenades ... sorry Timmie, 'nades, take out 3 outposts, sneak into french village and place a bomb. Next missions is use your Carbine and 'nades, take out 4 outposts, sneak into another french village and shoot target. Next missions is equip ... well I'm sure you get the picture, just replace mission goal with get documents, destroy radio and/or talk to contact for further instructions. I'm an old fart, I tend to forget things, but I remember playing such missions 10 years ago on the PSX, and if I boot up any WW2 FPS released within the last year, I'm willing to bet my left ball, that I'll still be equiping my Carbine and 'nades before sneaking into some inane french village to __________ (insert mission parameter from above). Enough with the WW2 themes already!

But why didn't Bioshock, Crysis, Far Cry etc. appeal to me then??
It's new backdrops. Some innovations has been attempted, and still I find them as interesting and exciting as the aforementioned math teacher.
Maybe something really is wrong with me?? Maybe Timmie is right??

I miss my Dreamcast

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Shmup comeback ... There's always hoping.

So it finally happened. Ikaruga was released for XBLA, and not a moment too soon. Not so much because it's the best shoot 'em up ever created, but because the old school shmup is dying a slow death ... or at least it has for the past 10 years. I'm not expecting this release to revitalize the genre, it is after all a niche market, but if it does well, we just might see a few more of yesteryears faves in HD glory.
Of Course Radiant Silvergun springs to mind. This gem is virtually unknown outside gaming circles, since it only saw releases in the arcades and on the Saturn. For the uninitiated I can tell you, that since Ikaruga was originally release in 1998, there have been heated discussions, as to which is better. Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun, and the only thing the two canps can agree on, is that we need the rumoured 3rd installment in the series.

Einhänder and most of Psikyo's gaming catalogue would also make great additions to XBLA. Or what about the classics on Capcoms CPS1 and 2. Aerofighters, Dodonpachi, Blood Money, Gradius, R-Type ... the list goes on. All would make great additions to XBLA, and I could finally sit in the comfort of a leather chair and enjoy a co-op bullet curtain.

I know I'm pretty much alone on this in a 3D gaming world, where it's all about Capture the Flag and Deathmatch. There's not much the shmup has to offer to Timmie. All he sees is a repetitive 2D snore fest, where he can't teabag anyone. He fails to realize that getting good at shmup'ing actually takes practice and skills. Even with a 2x2 hitbox anyone is hardpressed when the entire screen is filled with bullets. There's no hiding behind a wall while your energy refills, you have to find a way through that, which can be infinitely harder than setting up camp and sniping people running by ... and so much more entertaining.

... Again, what was the release date for GTA4??

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