Assholes Pt. 2

                Alright, another day, of TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLES.  So I was reading Nazi's blog about road raging drivers, which got me into the idea about talking about just drivers. You would be amazed how little people in Arkansas know how to drive (but not as bad as Texas, details after this paragraph.)  I'm sure everyone has a great story about some idiot on the highway, byway, freeway, expressway, maybe even lucky enough, a driveway!  So first off let me start with the idiots that start acting like some kind of driving professor. Yeah you know who you are, whenever you see that marked police vehicle, you start with: Slowing down, using your blinkers, put your hands at 10 and 2, buckle up, and hang up that cell phone. STOP. Right now stop doing this. I'm quite sure that if an officer is doing 15 down the street he has his own reasons for it. The Speed limit is 30...do it. Go around him. You sitting next to him or behind him only hinders MY travel time. I cannot stress this enough, DO THE LIMIT! And in that limit I include speed and intoxication (only kidding.) 

                Okay, I understand when you come to a hill, curve, or even some rain you slow down a bit. But people come on, this isn't the freggin' end of the world man! Just go with the flow. I'm really directing this more towards Texans, sorry to sinlge y'all out! When we have these tourist come up for the horse races, and just a drop of rain hits the ground, it's like a cue for the DEMOLITION DERBY TO COMMENCE. I dated a Texan chick back in highschool, we went to a friends house and I was telling her where to go. I pointed out just ahead is a hill we must descend. Well surely she would trust in me that I knew where I was going, but no. She approaches the hill; and actualy starts and begins to get out of the car and see if it's a drop off...Yes, here in Arkansas, we set traps for outsiders. We put a road that leads directly off a cliff just like a roadrunner cartoon.  Is everyone in Texas like this? Now not everything is bad about Texas. In some places the highways (two laned) have a speed limit of 70.  And you regularly kill each other when the rains come, so I guess it helps with population control.

              Now on to not so much the driver's skill, but how about there choices in vehicles.  I drive a small Sonoma.  Gets decent gas mileage. Very dependable (knock on wood for the ride home *knock*) My wife drives an older accord. Again pretty good in the gas department, petro for you nasty teethededed bastards. But why on god's polluted earth would you drive that BIG ASS Suburban, Excursion, Hummer, etc., etc. when you're the only FUCKING passenger? You know I can feel ya' if it's the only second vehicle, but don't you think you should have been prepared? I'm sure a nice Honda, Toyota, hell, even a GM or Dodge would suit you just fine driving around, to and from work, with light grocery duty.  Even if you can afford it, don't you think you're being an ass about it? "Oh I don't care about gas prices, I'll just keep buying it up." THE MORE YOU BUY THE MORE IT'LL BE! STOP BUYING IT! YOU'RE KILLING THE REST OF US! Yes I use the caps lock sometimes. But it helps show how much I wish there was a neck inside the grasp of my hands as I try to strangle the air. "Well I have 4 kids and the spouse, and we all drive to town to get STUFF, and go to the movies, and get food."  Where on earth will I get my ideas of hate after Carlin dies?

            Oh don't worry Mr. Sports car guy, I got something for you. Your penis is small. That's right, I came out and said it. Your dick, is tiny. As Junior Brown said it, "If you wanna race, then get on a race track."  Public highways are no place for fast cars, especially non fast car trying to be fast. Maybe I'll give in a  little and say sports cars are allowed, granted the fact they are practical. And if you really want to open her up. Go hire your local law enforcement to close off a section of highway for you, get the permits to do so as well. But these cars belong on the track. Oh and I'm all for the car show scene. What better way to throw away money? Yes yes I know it's a hobby and a love, but people, everyone here reading this is over 25. You got all that out of your system (I hope) prior to this magical quarter century mark. It just fuels another market for someone to make money off of. But back on subject about assholes and highways. You sicken me with your sedan that is all primped up. No no typo. You know the cars, the ones that look like Need For Speed just came out in real life. You're not cool. I know I know, you really think you are. But it's just that small dick syndrome.  And trust me, I know all about that, I once woke up to an insect trying to hump my little dick. No wait, those were crabs, alright, a mouse there we go much better.

          Alright one more before I go home. Truckers. You're wonderful. I know you work all the time driving and driving and driving and driving. Just be careful. I don't want my face to be squished down into my asshole.  But you other jerks that cut in front of them and tailgate them, then cry about getting hit by them. THEY ARE MUCH LARGER THAN YOU. When I see a fat person coming down the isle, I stop and go the other way. I know they are much bigger than me and don't have the agility I have. Thus why I DON'T GET IN THEIR WAY. Yes it is a mild annoyance, but I'm not flattened, right? I see those lawyer commercials for being injured by BIG RIGS.  Well where's the one for "Have your tires been flattened by an Escort runnning underneath them? You're entitled to a share of their life insurance policy! Don't be a victim, be an oppurtunist!"

      Yes I know this will never be as great as my first blog, but at least I added a little bit of that flavor we all like.                           -FTFO

Posted by TheCarnivalAngel @ 8:31 am EDT | Permalink | 1 Comments

Assholes Pt. 1

          Alright, this is my first blog ever so bear with my rant... I manage (not very well) a hotel here in Hot Springs, AR.  Now I have worked since I was 15 years old. My first job was as a dishwasher. I never called in sick. I had another job at a factory when I was older and I called in sick I think 3 times. Well after that job I was hired at an On the Border here in town. I worked happily for 7 months, and I called in sick one morning. When I came back to work, I was fired. I was fired for calling in sick. From that day forth, since the spring of '99, I have NEVER...I cannot stress this enough, NEVER called in sick to ANY job EVER. I know you dear reader must think, "Liar." But's it's true, when I was sick, I came in. After getting my ass beat, I came in. Granted I have been SENT home sick. I have NEVER called in.

   The point I am getting at, is why do people call in sick? Is your throat SO soar you cannot get up? Then how THE FUCK did you call in? And you think having a soar throat is bad?! I came in the next day after surgery. I come in with the flu, because I feel if I have to be sick, so should every other asshole I have to deal with. Har har? And what the hell is up with these people that call in and say, "Oh my brother was in the hospital, so I couldn't come in. And I wasn't feeling good. And my dog died." All in the same day you say huh? Man must be rough. Too bad someone else (ME) will have to cover your fucking shift. You just go ahead, stand by your brother who has a broken arm. Yeah go ahead. But what gets me is that they complain when their paycheck comes in. "Oh I ain't got enough money to payZ my rentZ." Oh really? So you were thinking about your rent while you were "sick." Guess that soar throat cost you more than a clinic's visit and the gas to get there.

    No I am not totally heartless. Your father is dying in the hospital? Go see him. Your dog or cat was run over? Go home and grieve. Your child is sick at home? Well take care of them. I'm sure these are all very "good" times to call in. But if your 20 year old son is sick at home, I'm quite sure the cocksucker can take care of himself! Your spouse isn't "feeling good?" Well I guess you can call them to tell them you're on lunch, coming home, or picking up something for them. But GODDAMNIT people, don't call in sick over minor shit! They always wonder why they get fired, don't advance, or get sick from drinking a drink I bring them....Er I mean not getting sick from the drink I brought them. It's because you are lazy, groaning, moaning, little weak asshole. STOP IT! You are bringing down the gene pool! For FUCK'S SAKE!

     So now I have to stay longer, ALREADY A 10 HOUR SHIFT, until I can find someone to come in. My kids are at home, waiting. They are out of school today. My wife works and so do I so we can have a house, and food. But the kids are out of school today, so now they might have to stay at home alone for a little while. (Not that I mind this, but the wife really doesn't like it.) But no, loser ass bitch that has a soar fucking throat can't come in today. BULLSHIT. She probably lives with her parents, or has some small rented crack house. Alright, I'm done with my rant. And my first blogging thing.

Posted by TheCarnivalAngel @ 8:17 am EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments