A Realization

This will be my final blog here (not that anyone that may read this will actually care).  I am not leaving the site as I have a second home with the folks at 2old4forzatoo, but my main place of residence will soon be defunct, and so I am taking my ball and going home.

Before I go on with the rest of what I have to say, let me begin by saying I am in no way attempting to beat a dead horse here or perpetuate what was a horrible situation.  This is more of a cathartic blog as well as an explanation to any of you that care.  I have heard both sides of the story and seen with my own eyes the facts.  I have come to a decision as to who and what is at fault, as I am sure everyone here has.  Peoples' pride have swollen to the point that no reasoning or rational discussion can continue, so there is no point in me or anyone else screaming for something to change or be done.  Ego, pride, and a lack of communication across the board created a situation that could have easily been avoided and has created a situation that is difficult for many of us.  More than one person (or two or three people, for that matter) are at fault here, leading to a very sad situation.  Time to move on.

Being of a mental health background (career-wise), I find it both helpful and necessary to obtain some closure.  This is my attempt at that, and if it helps any of you along the way, I will be thrilled.

As some of you have seen, I have screamed from this blog, in others' blogs comments, and in multpile PM's about my opinion about every aspect of this situation as well as what was done and what I felt should have been done.  I've also done some screaming at individuals (that were not directly involved) for their reaction to the situation and the comments made about both individuals involved and the 2o4D clan in general.  I am of the mind that there are a lot of apologies that need to be handed out at this time.  I have said mine and will say it again.  If I offended or hurt anyone in anything I may have posted here or elsewhere on the site, I am truly sorry for that.  I do ask for your forgiveness.

As I said, I have done some real screaming about all of this.  The following is my pitiful attempt at an explanation as to why.

I have an extremely stressful job.  I know a lot of you here do.  I think I can easily say mine is probably more stressful than 99% of anyone else's on this site.  Why do I say that?  Let me first post some stats.

From www.jobbankusa.com

TOP TEN STRESSFUL PROFESSIONS
IT
Medicine / Caring Profession
Engineering
Sales and Marketing
Education
Finance
Human Resources
Operations
Production
Clerical

From the book Social Psychology by Jillian Myers (2006)

1. ER Doc

2. Police Officer

3. CEO

4. Inner-city HS Teacher

5. Dentist (I have no idea why.)

6. Social Worker

7. Miner (I bet this one has gone up considerably in that past few years.)

8. Air Traffic Controller

9. Stockbroker

10. Medical Intern

This last list is also very similar to the one published by the World Health Organization and not too different from the one published by the CDC.

So what do those have to do with my job?  From the first list, all but three of those fit within my job description or what I do on a daily basis.  Being more specific in the second list, I am probably the only person on this site whose job fits two jobs within that top ten.  I am both a CEO and a Social Worker. 

I am the CEO of a small children's home.  Because of our size, and the unbelievably high turnover rate in this field, I generally spend 10-15% of my time working as a social worker.  In the last year I have taken on 5 different positions in addition to mine due to either an inability to find someone willing to work for what we pay, or simply because we couldn't afford to hire someone.  One of those 5 positions I have filled continually for the last 14 months.

So what?  Everyone's job is stressful.  Maybe mine is a little more so than yours.  I'm sure that could be argued to no end.  But, like pretty much everyone's job, there are times mine is more stressful than normal.  The past two days have been one of those times.  Without going too far into details, our annual audit is going on, the state just left from their annual inspection, and I had to fire someone yesterday for putting one of our kids in harms way (which will likely lead to both an investigation by the state as well as by the local sheriff's office).  So yeah, it has been a little more stressful than normal here.

One of the best things about this site is that is has given me the opportunity during a stressful day to have a brief respite from the crap going on in the real world.  Coming to this site, and particularly reading through the craziness and hilarity within the 2o4D forums, gives me the break I need during a rough day.  I have come to depend on it.  I have to have it to get through a stressful day (not literally, but I think you get the point).  It is my safe haven and the mental break that keeps me sane.  Connecting with my friends in 2o4D and reading through some crazy story or seeing a hilarious pic takes my mind off things just long enough for me to refresh and get back at what I need to be taking care of.

Monday that was all taken away from me.  No heads up.  No warning.  Nothing I had anything to do with.  A vague explanation and some "wild" accusations that had nothing to do with me or anything I had done.  The break I needed from a particularly stressful day was taken away.  (Throw in tha fact that I felt the whole situation was not handled properly and it even more made for a volatile situation for me.)

Whether it was unfair or not, whether it was handled properly or not, whether it should have been done or not, it happened.  And, it very truly hurt me to my core.  And thus, I went a little ballistic.  Justified or not, I apologize for that.

It is sad that literally hundreds of other people were hurt in the same way.  What's worse is that it ended up affecting so many others as it snowballed.  I hate that and I am sorry for that (regardless of what, if any, role I played).

Whether it could have been avoided or not and regardless of who is at fault, it is just plain sad. 

Time to move on folks.  Nothing to see here.  Nothing to see here any more.  Literally.

Posted by aimzb @ 11:14 am EDT | Permalink | 10 Comments

I can actually feel the love

No sarcasm here.  (And my apologies for the double blog post.) 

Since apprently things on this website get aired publicly without discussion behind closed doors (and yes that was a dig directed straight at Dsmooth as I still feel what was done was wrong and I still feel personally wronged.  Feel free to comment on it.  It is my opinion and I have the right to express it.), I feel the need to make this public.

Thank you Markus.

Thank you for being the first person on this entire site for acknowledging how much this sucks for those of us in 2o4D.  Thank you for your apology for kicking us while we were down and for making light of the situation.  Thank you for making me not feel like a troublemaking outcast just because I disagree with the admins and am a member of 2o4D.  Thank  you for expressing your opinion in a reasonable manner and not calling me a "fuckwad" or "crybaby" because my opinion is different from yours.

I'm through making digs at Dsmooth and Doodi.  I've done my screaming and crying.  I feel what was done was wrong and the way pretty much every part of the past 24 hours was handled on this site.  But that's my opinion and it does not really matter cause I'm not an admin or moderator here.  I've expressed my opinions to Doodi and Dsmooth.  A big thank you to Doodi for responding to my PM and addressing every single point in it.  As I stated, I still do not agree with what was done (especially based on the information provided to the community), and I very much feel as though the two of you punished the kids because the parents wrongs.  But it is your site, handle the punishment however you want to. 

I'm not leaving 2old2play.  This is a great community.  I will no longer click on ads or send donations for it's upkeep as my mild, and likely, unimpactful form of protest for how things were handled.  But this site and the connections I have made are bigger than any two people, regardless of whether or not they are the administrators of this site.  I will remain a member of 2old4Duty and I will still call my clan that regardless of what happens with renaming it or copyrights or whatever.  I will also remain a member of 2old4forzatoo.  But, most importantly, no one is leaving my friend's list. 

My apologies if I offended anyone in my previous blog posts or comments on other blogs.  I was, and still am, extremely upset with all of this. 

For Doodi and Dsmooth:  I completely understand your feeling hurt (more than words can express) by what you perceived as happening.  But, I would like to request your recognition for those of us in 2o4D that feel the same way.  What you saw hurt you.  What we have seen from you two has hurt us.  The big difference is you were in a position to do something meaningful about it.  We are not.  We are simply at your mercy.

 

As hard as it is for me, I am doing my part to let this die.  I want to strongly encourage D&D and Stang and Payback and any and every one else that needs to be involved in the discussion to sit down and talk about this.  Swallow your pride!  Start with your love of gaming and continue creating equal ground until a resolution comes from this.  If it means two different sites that have nothing to do with each other, fine.  If it means two different sites that are loosely connected and related, great.  If it means D&D provide more for what our clan wants with Stang and Payback incorporating it and 2old4Duty remaining a part of 2old2Play, superb.  This is killing me.  And it is killing this site.  And I'm pretty sure no one had that as their intention.

Posted by aimzb @ 12:43 pm EDT | Permalink | 8 Comments

Dadgummit, I Am Still PISSED!!!

This still sucks.

 

If any of you that may read this were to ask my wife, I am certain she would tell you I am the most laid back person you will ever meet.  She has even asked me more than once if I have ever gotten mad about anything before in my life.  That certainly says something to me about this whole situation.  I am pissed off and I NEVER get pissed off. 

I am came to this site (along with many many others that are in 2o4D) at the request/suggestion of Stang.  A place/clan for older gamers that enjoyed the CoD series and wanted to regulalry game with more mature folks.  I have enjoyed the mess out of being a member of this clan.  Being able to take a break in the middle of a stressful day, come to the forums here, read the blogs, and generally get a good laugh and connect with like-minded folks is truly a wonderful blessing.  Being able to come home from a stressful day, fire up the box, and always know there will be at least a few folks on my f/l playing CoD4 is also truly a blessing. 

There are two things I hate most about XBL (among other things-lag), hasty reactions by (mostly) kids to a comment or clan tag that they perceive as a threat or insulting, and the name-calling, screaming, and accusations that follow.  There is no reasoning with folks that do this.  There is no discussion.  No opportunity is given for an explanation.  And that is what happened on this website Monday. 

Dsmooth and Doodi have both confirmed that 1) they knew nothing about anything before Monday and 2) they did not hear anything back from the higher ups in 2o4D before action was taken.  That is sad.  I am so very disappointed with them for that.  I am so very disappointed with so many people on this site for blindly following them with no real explanation or any response from those accused. 

Quite honestly, I do not care at all what evidence is shown backing up Doodi and Dsmooth's claim.  I do not even care if Stang publicly comes out and says everything they accused him of was true.  I am hurt by the actions taken by Dsmooth and Doodi as well as their swift and childish reaction. 

Did you two even consider the effects this would have on the site as a whole?  It certainly does not appear that way.  Did you two consider the effects it would have on us as individual members of the clan?  I would say it is pretty obvious you did not. 

I have told both Doodi and Dsmooth that I completely understand their feeling hurt, betrayed, as well as any other emotion that may have surged through them.  But, as administrators of this site they have a responsibility to every single member of this site to react to situations such as this in a responisble adult-like manner.  And they absolutely did not do that (IMHO).  And, now that this has turned into a PR and perception issue, the truth has become less relevant (And lets face it, there has been no real evidence provided. A youtube video and a photobucket picture.  Seriously? "If it is on the internet it must be true.").  Feelings are hurt.  Pride has been injured.  The damage can not be undone. 

Why am I stating all of this publicly on my blog?  Because Doodi and Dsmooth were the ones that decided to make this a public issue.  Place the blame at their feet.  I will have my say with Stang and the higher ups within 2o4D.  But, at the very least, they have been courteous enough and mature enough not to join in the very public poo flinging.  So my comments to them will remain private.  And, unlike what Doodi and Dsmooth did, I will wait until I have all of the information that is out there, including comments from both sides, before I jump to any conclusions or take any actions.

Posted by aimzb @ 10:59 am EDT | Permalink | 17 Comments

Well This Just Sucks

This whole thing with 2o4D.  I've already expressed my opinions to Doodi and Dsmooth, and quite honestly, they are not anyone's business until I know all the goings on behind the scenes from both perspectives.  So if you have any questions for me about that, please direct them to the wall on your left.  What does suck is that it appears to be in the process of driving a wedge right down the middle of the clan.  Based on Dsmooth's blog and Doodi's comments and then everyone else's subsequent comments, I am getting the feeling everyone thinks D&D feel this is an "either/or" issue.  I don't want to speak for either of them, but I have it on good authority that it does not have to be that way.  If any of my Duty mates read this, you do not have to choose between this site and 2o4D.  Don't feel forced to and don't let anyone tell you that!  If 2o4D has to move off-site, so be it.  Move with us and also remain a part of this site.  PR, perspective, and emotion all rolled in to one are a mutha.  I know from personal experience with my job.  Don't let this get to you.  Any or all of you that read this.  2o4D or not.  Things got emotional which means they got irrational.  Let things play out behind the scenes (if you aren't involved behind the scenes) and then move on.

And one more thing, Stang, if you happen to read this, I bet your 53% unsporting just went up.

Posted by aimzb @ 6:34 pm EDT | Permalink | 12 Comments

Glen Beck (of CNN fame)

I don't really like Glen Beck.  (For those of you that do not know of him, he has a show on CNN and does regular commentaries for cnn.com.)  I don't necessarily agree with him all of the time, either.  But, he stands up and shouts his opinion and never wavers from it, and I have to give him some credit for that.  He had a commentary on cnn.com today that I found extremely interesting.  I'm not sure I agree with everything he says, or think he is correct in his "predictions".  But, it is definitely something to think about...

 

From CNN.com:

"This is for America. This is for NATO. This is for Bush."

These were the phrases that the president of Georgia, Mikheil Saakashvilli, told me were on Russian bombs falling before, during and after the numerous cease-fires that have come and gone since the Georgian-Russian conflict began.

He went on to say that he believed the Russians were not fighting a war with Georgia; in reality, they were fighting a war against the idea of Georgia, the governing principles behind it.

To have a flourishing democracy in a neighboring country is seen as a threat. It is a stark contrast from Russia's brand of state-controlled pseudo-capitalism. The Russians, he said, "want to kill the idea of freedom, and by proxy they imagine they fight a war with the United States."

Although the name Georgia is familiar to the United States, the country isn't. Most Americans don't know its remarkable story. The first time I spoke to Saakashvilli a few months earlier, it was under much more pleasant circumstances. I found him to be a young, energetic and well-spoken reformer who in many ways understands our founding fathers better than most Americans.

He spoke to me about his vision for Georgia, the vision that transformed it from a failed state to a burgeoning democracy with a quickly growing economy.

He said, "the government is going to help you in the best way possible, by doing nothing for you, by getting out of your way. Well, I exaggerate, but you understand. Of course we will provide you with infrastructure and help by getting rid of corruption, but you have all succeeded by your own initiative and enterprise, so you should congratulate yourselves."

Saakashvilli turned one of the most crooked nations on the planet into a place where people want to do business. His way of dealing with Georgia's incredibly corrupt police was amazing. No talk, just action.

"The first thing we did a few years ago when I became president: We fired the entire police force of the country." That's right, about 40,000 officers were fired, by his count. New recruits were brought in, and he told me that the public confidence in the police skyrocketed from 5 percent to 70 percent.

The notion that Saakashvilli believes in the ideas that formed our country isn't a surprise. He attended Columbia University Law School and studied our founding fathers, becoming determined to give the people of Georgia the same opportunities and freedoms that we take for granted here.

Imagine a nation with ideals forged in the traditions of Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and James Monroe, sitting in what once was the Soviet Unoin. Now imagine how much that might be appreciated by ex-KGB agents like Vladimir Putin the Russian prime minister.

When I spent a half an hour with Saakashvilli on my show this week, his mood was much different than in our earlier conversation. I told him that if Americans knew the story of Georgia, they would realize how important it was. I asked him to speak directly to America, tell us what is really happening and why we should care.

He said, "when the Soviet Unoin collapsed, when the Cold War was over, when I went to study in the U.S. and finally I realized my dream, I never thought that this evil would come back again. I never thought the KGB people would again try to run the world. And that's exactly what's happening now. What`s at stake here is America's -- America's ideals. If it will collapse in Georgia, it will collapse in other countries and in other places as well."

Luckily for Georgia, the world has generally aligned against Russia's aggression. Whether there are any teeth behind the talk is still unknown. Saakashvilli expressed gratitude for the supportive comments made by President Bush and both Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama.

Even the United Nations issued a statement to express "serious concerns at the escalation of violence." Incredibly, that didn't seem to stop Russia. Who would have thought? If things get worse, I'll expect the U.N. to issue a harshly worded letter, a disapproving glare and maybe even a mildly annoyed "tsk tsk."

It's hard to know for sure what is really behind this conflict. Analysts have theories; citizens have sides. But even if you look past the 'he said, she said," in the end, it still goes back to a war being fought over ideals.

Back in the 1980s, Ronald Reagan led the effort to bring down the Soviet Union, partly by spending them into oblivion. We had the resources, we unleashed our economy, and we won (at least temporarily). We won by using the same principles that Saakashvilli talked to me about.

But he wasn't the only one watching and learning. Russia learned as well, and they now appear to be doing the same things that we did to them back in the '80's. Unless we wise up, we risk seeing the same result. We taught them this game. We can't allow it to be used against us.

The long-term solution is to make ourselves stronger and more self-sufficient so that when these problems arise, we can't be held hostage. We need to become energy independent and financially solvent. But in the short term? I'm just glad I'm not president so I don't have to make these decisions. (Yes, I know you are, too.)

For now, we have to do what we can to strongly support Georgia, start to get our own ship in order, and take seriously the messages sent by the bombings.

"This is for America. This is for NATO. This is for Bush."

Posted by aimzb @ 1:20 pm EDT | Permalink | 3 Comments