The times you remember

Today is a significant day in my life. It is a day that, years ago, changed my life forever. Today my first born son came into the world. I remember myself as being young, untouchable, and nieve. I was absolutely content managing a record store and had no intention of looking onwards in my life. As a couple, IACO and I were very much living "in the now". When I first realized that I was going to not only create a little being inside my body, but also squeeze one out from the area I had only associated with pleasure at this point, I was devistated. More than devistated: terrified. I can't even put words to the emotional termoil my thoughts propelled me through. I can imagine that some here experienced the same shock and fears that I did, and hopefully can relate.

From the moment of realization that a foreign body had invaded my very personal space, I had to leave my absolute unabsoluteness behind and start thinking about more than patchouli, skateboard decks, and records. Man, that was going to be tough. I loved my free-spirited lifestyle and the last thing I wanted to do was give it up. But, being I had a new variable added to my equation, I had to calculate my answer and damn if I only had nine months to do it.

I have a belief that formed during the gestation period. Nature intended the whole process to be long, drawn out, and uncomfortable. For me the months of pregnancy gave me time to cope and prepare myself for the creature growing underneath my skin. And that is the way I thought of it throughout the entire thing. The creature, the growth, the thing inside me. I know that is terrible to admit, but that is how it was and I am not going to sugar coat the feelings I had at the time. The lack of comfort involved lead me to a state of urgancy about giving birth. It was going to suck--I was sure--to push it out, but it couldn't be worse than the discomfort I had at that moment? Right? So, with that mentality, even with the lack of glamour, it had pushed me to a point of wanting to have the buggar.

When the day finally came I felt the strangest of feelings. I was...excited!? Wait a minute. The girl who was so disgruntled about the entire thing was showing the signs of joy? If not joy, at least a derivative of it? What happened when the water broke? Did all of that anger and discontent flow out with the warning fluids? It must have. The labor was not intense, not as much as I'd imagined it would be. But, as I was told by the nurses attending me, I was a "lucky one".

Everything changed the moment the pressure was released and my son was born. It still amazes me today how someone can instantly fall in love. And I say that with every truth in my body. The moment I saw that little boy I knew what I had done was right. It was going to be okay.

He changed my life that day and every day. I watch him grow into the little man he is becoming and laugh at myself for being so stupid. To think he would hinder me in any way. He has proven not only that he belongs in this world, but that he enriches my life in every moment. And I am still that free-spirited girl I feared losing, only now I get to share that spirit with my son.

Something to think about

* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig, and Track, you're a maverick.

*Graduate from Harvard Law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive and first in line behind a man in his eighth decade.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and then left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian.
 
* If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible. 

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

O.K. -- much clearer now.

Catch up

So, I've been gone for a bit. Sorry about that. Not that I think you guys have been crying yourself to sleep at night or anything because of the lack of Autumn Bloggage, but hey, you never know.

Let's just discuss why Autumn is now a slacker.

1. Busy

2. Very busy

3. School started back up again

4. Son started Kindergarten

5. Damn obligations

Now let's discuss the topic of "other" including how I've been, etc., etc.

1. I have been enjoying my classes so far.

2. I have been thinking about sewing my own straight jacket for the rough days.

3. Yesterday I stubbed my toe and the whole friggin nail came off. It was awful. Absolutely awful.

4. I feel bad that I have not been on the site for so long, or in the forum, or playing games. Such is life, though, I suppose.

Okay, I think that is a good enough update.

I will leave you with this:

Enjoy.

Robert Frost (1874-1963)

A Time to Talk

When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, What is it?
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit.

Firsts

Everyone has their firsts. Normally they are either really bad or really good (hence, always remembered). Well, so far this year I have had a few "firsts". I am not going to go into them all, but here are a couple.

It is my first internship. It has been interesting. But, mostly, I have dubbed it a "job". I have come to realize that I don't like this whole "work" thing. Going into an office for eight hours and trying to keep yourself entertained...no wonder I have met career waitresses, at least it is a fun thing to do! Not ragging on anyone's job, just saying the whole sit in an office is probably not going to be my cup of tea.

Then there is the LAN party. No, not the Chicago LAN, the Pittsburg LAN. 2Old2Pwn has held an annual LAN for three? years now. This will be my first time attending that. My hubbs, IACO, has gone every year and has always come home with a hangover and incredible stories (incredible, as in, 'Wow, they DID that?' kind of stuff) So, this will be a treat. I hope that this "first" counteracts the prior "first" with happiness and joy. That would be good.

Less than a week to find out! Yay!

Creative Boredom

So. I got bored and decided to paint the Master Chief.

Here he is.

He's certainly not perfect, I am no professional artist, but I thought it would make a cool prize for our up-and-coming clan LAN. And if KidMach would take that wife beater off and climb down from his high horse, maybe I could confirm that!

Just kidding, Kid. You know I love you and your mustard stained shirt.