Possibly moving to East Texas

  I was just informed of an opening in the company my Step Father works for.  I am not and never have been a big fan of New England, but I'm here regardless.  On my 30th birthday this past Monday, I was broached with the idea.  I'm really thinking about taking him up on the job.  $20 an hour to start in either the Tyler or Dallas area, depending on which is available come the end of the year.  If I move down and become a Texian by residence, whom I wonder would I live near?  I know the JoeBob's are down in the area, but who else.

Posted by Corcki @ 6:20 pm EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

Boxed lunch

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl marries and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.

This was the first time he saw them.

She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."

He immediately drops his pants and replies.. "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

Posted by Corcki @ 6:04 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

My wife is so talented

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy -five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi.

Posted by Corcki @ 6:23 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

Shit for Brains

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane.

When the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

Posted by Corcki @ 8:30 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments

See no evil, hear no evil

One day, a thug planned to do a bank robbery. It all went well, nobody did trouble whatsoever, he got the money and could walk out of the bank safely.

Next to the door, there was a man. The thug came to him and asked: "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"

"Of course I did, you were pretty obvious there!" The thug took out his gun and shot him.

As he walked on, he came to a young lady and asked the same question, the lady said "Yes, of course" and got shot, too.

Then he saw an old couple on a bench, went to them and asked: "Well, what about you? Did you see me rob that bank?"

And the old man said "No, but my wife did..."

Posted by Corcki @ 5:27 pm EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments