karma

she came and got her stuff yesterday. tried to when i was at work, but i'd changed the locks already. she would have left a bunch of stuff behind, but i made her take as much as i could before she jumped in the truck and bolted. i wanted to be sure she took the scrapbook i'd asked Ice to make of her love notes to me, to remind her of what was and could have been. i don't know at what point the demon took her and my best friend and lover decided i was just something to be used. i did nothing but love and adore her, and i didn't even get an "i'm sorry". well, she can ignore me, but karma will follow her, and based on my past experiences, people who've wronged me get pounded with karma big-time. i honestly hope she survives it and straightens herself out.

Posted by DarthCestual @ 7:10 am EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

Letting Go

I've fooled myself long enough, your silence speaks for you, it's time to let go.

You asked me to be your center, to ground you, and I failed. I'm truly sorry for that.
I couldn't be there all the time, and the demon slipped in. The demon that comes in powders
and pills and promises a good time. I've seen this demon many times, I know it's ways. It's
taken friends and family from me, and now the woman I truly loved. The woman I was prepared
to spend my life with. I hope some part of that woman still lives, but I know the demon has
her. I've seen the signs for some time, but I let my love for you get in the way. The demon
will lie to you, and mock my words. The "friends" around you have the demon too, and will
laugh at me I'm sure, while the people who truly care about you grow sad and distraught at
seeing their friend, daughter, sister, mother, lover be consumed and lost to them. They'll
still see you from time to time when the demon wants something they may have. Beg, borrow,
and steal are the demons ways, and we'll be the ones who'll have to pay for your actions.
But, the demon doesn't care about us or even you, it just cares about itself and it will
hurt anyone who gets in its way. All it wants is to get a tighter grip on you, to consume you.
The demon destroys lives, and not just yours. The people who truly care about you, we are the
ones left to suffer the loss of you. It will make you lie, cheat, and steal to get what it
wants. It already has, hasn't it? I hope the strong, confident woman I fell forever in love
with will one day see the truth and be able to fight her way back and take control of her life
again. I hope that she can see these words and feel my love for her. For now, I know the demon
has her. Your ears will echo with "whateva" and think I'm just a sentimental fool and it will
mock my pain in your mind and just blow me off and toss me away like a used paper cup.
Well, I'd rather be a sentimental fool with true friends than an unwitting slave. Eventually
my dear, you won't be useful to the demon anymore and find yourself tossed away like that
paper cup. Nothing good ever comes from that junk, I can only hope that you realize it before
it's too late and take your life back. To the demon who I know is running her life at the
moment, I tell you now, there are no opportunities for you here. I know you're pulling the
strings, so I can't trust the face or words of my beloved, and for that I will always hate
you and myself as well for letting you take another of my loved ones. After all the effort
I made to win her love, to show her how much I cared for her and to what lengths I would go
for her, I let that very devotion be the door that let you in foul demon. I will carry that
guilt forever.
If you're still in there my darling, I'm so very sorry, I will love you always. ~Ur Joshy

Posted by DarthCestual @ 1:55 am EDT | Permalink | 6 Comments

Never let them keep you down.

I'm fascinated by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted by DarthCestual @ 12:12 pm EDT | Permalink | 5 Comments

Mentally Constipated

For the last year and a half or so, I've been seriously lagging in my creativity. A good part of that problem I'd say has been the all-consuming WoW. Now, I'm not blaming the game, I made the choice to play it, it's been a fun romp, and I really liked being able to adventure with my friends virtually, since I'd have given myself a heart-attack if I ever had to run as much in real life as I did the 1st 40 levels. My problem here is the time investment. I spend so much time playing, my other interests have fallen by the wayside. I can't recall the last book I read, and I'm a guy who used to read 3 books at a time. My art has suffered since I haven't really kept working at it or pursuing more art-type challenges, or the ones that I have, I totally dropped the ball on. A big apology to you here Batman.   Plus other factors have cropped up to make the game just not-fun for me anymore. My friends still message me asking for me to log in, which I do for a little while, but I have no heart in it anymore. I'm sure I'll check out the new expansion when it comes out, explore a little bit and see what's new, but I'm done with it for now. My lady and her son both like to play it when they're here, so I won't be canceling my account or anything cold-turkey like. So, with my new time, I've decided to try to pick up the pencil again. I've drawn a couple of my buddies WoW toons, and I took up Codemonkey's request looking for some fantasy art for his flash game, just to try and get my drawing chops back. I have a mess of rpg ideas I want to pursue. I miss the good ol' days of tabletop gaming with real people and rolling dice. Awhile back I posted my post-apocalyptic setting concept, and I have an idea for a D&D setting I want to develop and see about getting published in either pdf or dead-tree form. And on top of that, I'd like to re-tool XenoPWN into a faster game. Not to mention I have a few Warhammer40k minis I'd like to paint,...~sigh~ too many hobbies. But, first things first, gotta pick up that pencil. Hopefully, I can get comfortable enough drawing again and pick up the projects that have sat on the back-burner for too long.

Posted by DarthCestual @ 8:40 am EDT | Permalink | 4 Comments

Safety Dance

Posted by DarthCestual @ 8:41 am EDT | Permalink | 0 Comments