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<item><title>At the Job</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=24102&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>(original blog was deleted on accident)&lt;br /&gt;
I sent my supervisor and the president of the college this letter this morning.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;Dear Scott and Dr.J,&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; First this is to inform you Scott, I will be leaving early today. In the last 48 hours I have had around maybe 4-6 hours of sleep, and I feel horrible because of it. I have the sick leave, and am about to use it. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; The reason I have had such little sleep, is because recently I have had a lot on my mind. I have made the decision to play a more proactive role in my life. It seems for the first 27 years of my life, I have sat back row, waiting for things to happen, instead of making them happen. I have decided recently that this needs to change, and the only way that is going to happen is to make it change. Which brings me to the point of this letter.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;I have been applying to several different positions around the state. Mostly I have been applying for computer tech positions in the Little Rock/Conway area. For some reason I have a strong feeling I would enjoy living in this area. However, it is not my wish to leave Ozarka College. I love my job here, and take pride in doing the work here. As an ex-student, I know how important this College is, and how much of an impact on one&amp;rsquo;s life it can have. However, the financial situation is one of a few reasons I wish to seek employment elsewhere. I have been a employee of this college, 4 years coming this August. I have helped in many tasks in improving the quality of education we give to our students, that we give to the community, and it is work I take great pride in. However, in these last 4 years, I have never received a substantial raise. As listed by O.P.M., the starting pay for my position is 7.67 an hour (15,964 a year). My current hourly pay is 7.98, which on a 26 pay period year comes out to about 16,600 dollars a year. So, in 3 years I have accumulated around a .31 raise. In the aspect of the business world, that is kind of a miniscule raise don&amp;rsquo;t you think? &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; For the last two years now, I have asked for a raise, and the last two years I have been denied. I can understand this last year, my attendance has been less then acceptable. This is something I am willing to admit, something I have confessed to Scott is an issue, and something I have been working on improving. An explanation for some of my lack of attendance can be explained, but excuses still will not make up for the issue. Yet, I still plan on explaining.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; In order for a person to work, he needs to know that he can advance, to know that he is not only working to improve the productivity of the business as a whole, but he is working to advance that career, to obtain a higher status. When, I was turned down for the first raise, I will admit I was down trotted. I felt like I was knocked off my horse. Twice, and it was even more of a moral breaker. I have always given my tasks 110%, done my best to get the job done, and done correctly. Things don&amp;rsquo;t always work that way, but I always gave my best effort to do what needed to be done. But after having taken a few blows to your moral, giving 110% isn&amp;rsquo;t always as easy as it used to be. It&amp;rsquo;s hard to dust yourself off, and get back up on that horse, when you feel your going end up face down again.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; Another reason, I have slowly come to feel ill at ease with a fellow co-worker. If this gets me fired then so be it, but I am going to say it. The fellow co-worker I feel ill at ease around is &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt; has a problem, and I don&amp;rsquo;t know if anyone is brave enough to tell him he has one. Since I have began working here, I have been subjected to his problem. In one instance, we went to one of his friends houses, in a company vehicle, on company time, to retrieve Prescription Medication, a medication not prescribed to &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;, for his own personal use. I have been solicited by Mr. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt; to obtain from a friend of mine prescription medication not prescribed to Mr. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;, in exchange for an illegal substance. I have worked with Mr. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt; or been exposed to him while he is under influence of prescription medication, whether the medication was actually prescribed to him or not I cannot determine, one time I know for sure it was a medication not prescribed to Mr. ####. I have also been solicited by Mr. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt; on one or more occasion to take trips out to his home, and partake in using so said illegal substance. Mr. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;####&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt; has told me these things in confidence, knowing damn well that what he was doing is against company policy, but there is only so much one person can take, before he no longer feels comfortable around an individual, especially when the individual is someone you work with/under.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; The combination of the aforementioned reasons, is why I am seeking employment elsewhere. As I have stated, I do not wish to leave, but as I feel I am in a situation where I have no choice, I am going to do so. As soon as I receive a confirmation that I am to receive a position at one of the businesses I have applied for I will be giving both of you my two-weeks&amp;rsquo; notice.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; I am sending out this e-mail as one last attempt of giving my position here at Ozarka. As I have stated I do not wish to leave my position here, but unless things are changed, I cannot not honestly agree on too staying on as an employee. This is my outcry, and outcry of a normally quiet and laid back employee, but enough is enough, and something needs to change, and if it does not, as I said I will be leaving.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt; Sincerely,&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;JB&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yes I should have proof read it before sending it. I was extremely tired when I typed out, not to mention nervous as hell.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;/p&gt;
Luckily I wasn&amp;#39;t fired for it, in fact when I spoke to my supervisor after sending it, he agreed with me totally and completely. I haven&amp;#39;t heard from the President as of yet, but my supervisor assured me I was not going to get fired over it.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
As for the people who posted comments before, saying that I was too personal in the letter. Welcome to Rural Arkansas, where everyone knows everybody.  Nothing happens here without it being personal. Working here is less like working for a company, and more like working with a family of friends, so yeah it was personal. &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
And as for the Psycho comment, I&amp;#39;ll take it as a compliment.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=24102&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[5 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=24102&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Looking for a change.</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=23920&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>Well I&amp;nbsp; have made a decision. I moving from the backwoods of Arkansas, too a more populated area. Getting a new job and getting the hell out of here. I&amp;#39;ve already put in several applications in for IT positions in the Conway/Little Rock area. I&amp;#39;ve grown tired of this small area, and the feeling of going no where fast. I&amp;#39;ve been working for the college for three years now doing shitty IT work, without a raise or hint of advancing. In fact the president feels my position is unneeded, and will do nothing to help it out. If I was too quit today, they would not re-hire for it. 7.98 an hour just isn&amp;#39;t cutting it anymore.&lt;br /&gt;
It also has a lot to do with the area as well, I&amp;#39;ve been in a mood to go out, actually be proactive with my life, and that&amp;#39;s when the cruel reality of this area hits you. This area sucks, nothing to do. No venues to go out and meet people, the closes bar/club is over an hour away. I need a social life, and this life draining black hole which is north central Arkansas, just doesn&amp;#39;t have the social structure to back that.&lt;br /&gt;
The sucky thing, the thing that makes this so hard, is my son. I will no longer be a few minutes away, Ill be closer too two hours away. The option of stopping in and seeing him will no longer be there. But I got to do not only what is best for him, but what is best for me as well, and I can&amp;#39;t take this shitty ass area for very much longer.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
EDM&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=23920&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[4 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=23920&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Sleepless night</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=23748&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>10 after Midnight here, and I can&amp;#39;t sleep. My mind refuses to shut down.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
Does anyone remember that kid in high school. You know the one who was constantly picked on, the one who was beat on, called a fag, tormented to tears. The kid that &lt;a href=&quot;http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=138585&quot;&gt;this&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
was written for. I remember because that kid was me. This isn&amp;#39;t a poor me post. It&amp;#39;s just a reflection. I was beaten, dragged, through the dirt, all because I was different. I didn&amp;#39;t give up, even though there was times I came close. Some nights I was holding a razor blade to my wrists, wanting to cut, but never did. I persevered, I graduated high school with honors, went on to college to obtain my A.A. graduating cum laude, and then continuing on to get my A.A.S. in Information Technology graduating once again with honors. &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
But those scars never left. The pulling me down to the point I no longer had any self esteem is still carried on these shoulders. It&amp;#39;s not as bad as it was, back in high school, but it lingers. I still have 0 tolerance to hear someone being called a Fag. That word builds an anger and rage in me, when used as a way to hurt, because for four years it was a word used against me. It was a word that instilled a hate in me for a few people. People I still have no use for, and people I will never forgive.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
So why do I bring all this up, why dwell on all this? I&amp;#39;m not, and no longer wish too. I guess right now I&amp;#39;m in a place where I&amp;#39;m trying to heal these wounds. I still find myself looking down when someone walks by me at work to avoid eye contact, looking up on to greet the person. I have corrected myself a few times on this, but its a hard habit to break. I&amp;#39;m still quiet, not very talkative, something else I&amp;#39;m trying to work on. Opening up is one of the hardest things to do I&amp;#39;ve learned, because that fear, the fear that someone will walk all over you still lingers there. &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
I guess right now I&amp;#39;m reflecting on this is because my son is scheduled to start kindergarten next year. He too is different. For those of you who haven&amp;#39;t read my blog before, my son has autism. I&amp;#39;ve tried to teach him early, not to take crap from other kids. Do not be afraid to be yourself, and never, NEVER, let someone walk on your dreams. I know how evil and vindictive kids can be, having been a victim of their cruelty. And I don&amp;#39;t wish my son to have to deal with that. I want him to make the right moves, stand up for himself, and not be the whipping boy I was. It&amp;#39;s a lot harder to get that through to him, because he has autism. But I have seen how he interacts with other kids, and when one gets out of line, and intrudes on him, he&amp;#39;s not afraid to put a punk in his place. (My friend&amp;#39;s and even I have given him the nick name pimp, hes been in school since he was three, and has had a girlfriend ever since). lol, yeah he&amp;#39;s nothing like his father.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=23748&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[2 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=23748&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Latest Piece</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=21814&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>&lt;div align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/T-Final.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
This is mine and Cestual&amp;#39;s latest piece together. It&amp;#39;s My Orc Warrior, and what I dream will be his arsenal one day. I submitted this for Blizzard&amp;#39;s Fan Art Page, and hopefully it will be submitted for the site. Hope you all enjoy.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=21814&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[2 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=21814&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Life continues on</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18612&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>It may seem to some that my blogs of late have been extremely personal, and I&amp;#39;m not going to deny that they are. The reason I write them is to get things out, and to hear from people who have no personal attachment to the situation. People coming from a total and complete unbiased stand point. Even though I have actually had my blogs used against me in personal attacks, yet here I am again typing away like a mad man. If you don&amp;#39;t like it the easiest thing to do is not to read my blog.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
The relationship I spoke of before, the one I&amp;#39;m working on rebuilding is a big deal. Why? because I&amp;#39;m trying to reconcile with my ex-wife. I love the woman, always have always will, shes the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Things in our marriage wasn&amp;#39;t always good, but blame falls on both sides (even though I am the type of person to carry all the weight of the failure on my shoulders). I can see that now, I made mistakes, some big some small, but being able to see these problems I know now how to fix them. She can see she made mistakes, some big some small, and she is willing to change them. So what&amp;#39;s the problem? Let me break it down for you.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
Her exact words: &amp;quot;I love you, I care the world for you, but I am not ready to commit to a relationship at this time. I need time to figure things out.&amp;quot; For me this is extremely hard for me to understand. If you love someone, you should be with them,&amp;nbsp; is my thinking flawed? She wants time to straighten out the problems in her life. She knows she wants to be with me in th end, but she doesn&amp;#39;t know how to get there. This confuses the holy crap out of me. I told her I would wait for her, which is extremely hard for me to do, because I&amp;#39;m an impatient person. There are thoughts that I just can&amp;#39;t escape, a I feel sometimes like I&amp;#39;m being lead on, that in the end I&amp;#39;m going to be kicked to the curb. My whole life I always fought for love, it&amp;#39;s the only thing worth fighting for, and now I&amp;#39;m stuck in a position in which the fighting is actually bad. She is saying I&amp;#39;m pushing to hard right now, so in the end my fighting for love is doing more harm then good. This entire situation has me wanting to grab handfuls of hair and just rip it out. I&amp;#39;m so confused,&amp;nbsp; I love her and want to be with her, but I don&amp;#39;t want to feel like I&amp;#39;m being lead on/being taken for granted. Not knowing has always been a thing that has totally and completely drove me up the wall, and here I am facing down the barrel of a 20 gauge not knowing shot-gun.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
EDM&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=18612&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[4 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18612&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Politics</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18510&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>This is usually a subject I try to stay clear of, due to the fact that it puts people in defensive mode, but Caesar&amp;#39;s blog got me on a roll. Socialized Medicine, in theory its a great idea, but given our track record with the way our government handles government ran programs, Am I the only person that thinks this is a very very bad idea? A lot of our government&amp;nbsp; programs start off as great ideas, started by great men, only to have the idea totally and completely fudged up by some greedy moron later on down the road. Example: Social Security, great idea, however left in the hands of the government fell to greed, politics, corruption, and its untimely demise. &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
On the center of my windshield at the top I have an anarchy sticker, Why? Because a radical change to our government needs to happen. Corruption occurs on both sides of the aisle these days. Am I a total and complete anarchist? No. A Government has to be in place to keep the peace. But our government is no longer about keeping the peace, its about keeping the politicians pockets lined. I think that a lot of our problems would be solved if the power went back to the people, the ones who this great country was founded for. If we cut the political red tape around a lot of things, (including the medical field), I honestly&amp;nbsp; believe&amp;nbsp; our country would be better off. We need to bring the consumer competition back into the Medical Field, along with many other fields. Have price drive the market, GREEDY SOBS DON&amp;#39;T MAKE IT IN THE BUSINESS WORLD, unless the government allows them too. Usually greedy business people remain greedy because they are the ones helping in keeping the politicians pockets lined. If you take away that pocket lining, take away the politics, and guess what? The only way the greedy business man is going to have to stay competitive to keep his greed satisfied.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
Maybe its just me, I don&amp;#39;t know. But I always see giving the government control over my freedoms is a bad idea. Yes the medical industry has issues, but letting the government take it over, giving them even more control over it then what they have now, it just seems to me to be a very very very bad idea.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=18510&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[2 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18510&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Seeing with new eyes</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18320&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>I have been going through a lot of things in the last few weeks. I&amp;#39;ve done a lot of soul searching, and lot of re-finding myself. I&amp;#39;ve recently been in contact with an old love. Things between her and me, didn&amp;#39;t quiet go the way things were planned (Do They Ever). We&amp;#39;ve been rekindling our past romance, however this time we are taking things slow. The first time through we rushed things, we jumped into things head first. Overall I would like to think that things were good between me and her, but we had our problems, and our problems were big, and eventually led to the downfall of our relationship. (To all my friends reading this, I will tell you who it is when the time is right). Since getting back together, we&amp;#39;ve been talking about the problems we had when we were together. She said she thought one of our biggest issues was trust, that I don&amp;#39;t trust her. Sadly the exact opposite is true, I do trust her, trust her with my heart and my life, I&amp;#39;ve told her things no once else knows. But deep down inside I knew I had a trust issue, not with her, but somewhere in my confusing and complicated mind there was a problem. So last night, I decided to do some research. I love the internet, full of a lot of good information (and some not so good). I ended up on this site that listed out all these different trust related issues, and I stumbled across this one:&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;font face=&quot;arial narrow&quot;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;I-expect-things-to-go-bad-&amp;amp;-I-seem-to-make-them-go-bad &lt;br /&gt;
trust issues&lt;/strong&gt; &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
People come to me complaining of trust issues sometimes saying they are so anxious in relationships that they get overly controlling, overly paranoid and accusatory, and generally emotionally abusive. They say they find themselves watching themselves do this, unable to exert any control over their own behavior. They ultimately cause the demise of valued relationships while panicking about the loss while they do it. &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
This &lt;u&gt;is&lt;/u&gt; a trust issue. However, it&amp;#39;s usually more an issue of not trusting one&amp;#39;s self. For the individual who does this to him- or herself without good cause, there&amp;#39;s usually an underlying assumption of unworthiness of a good relationship. There&amp;#39;s a belief that the relationship is an accident. There&amp;#39;s a pervasive sense of being extremely let-go-able that seems to increase over time. (&amp;quot;S/He can&amp;#39;t possibly really be in love with me,&amp;quot; .... &amp;quot;S/He will be cheating on me, if it&amp;#39;s not already happening -- I just know it.&amp;quot; .... &amp;quot;It&amp;#39;s only a matter of time until I&amp;#39;m abandoned again.&amp;quot; .... &amp;quot;I can&amp;#39;t stand not knowing!&amp;quot; .... &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;m going to confront her/him as soon as I get home!&amp;quot; .... &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;m NOT going to stand for this!&amp;quot;) &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
This is often also an anxiety problem about &amp;quot;knowing.&amp;quot; Some people -- especially survivors of violations of trust -- spend all sorts of time telling themselves they need to KNOW what&amp;#39;s going to happen in their relationship -- is it going to last or be trashed. This is in spite of the fact that they really don&amp;#39;t and can&amp;#39;t &amp;quot;Know&amp;quot; anything much for sure about anything (&lt;em&gt;&amp;quot;Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real...? What if you were unable to awaken from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?&amp;quot; -- Morpheus, in The Matrix&lt;/em&gt;). Unfortunately, the only way to KNOW what is going to happen with something in this world is to trash it. If you want to know if your car will last through the year, the only way to KNOW is to drive it into a lake. If you want to KNOW if your child will ever be successful, the only way to KNOW is to kill him. If you want to KNOW if you will keep your job, quit. If you want to KNOW if your relationship will last, trash it, end it, and you&amp;#39;ll know. &lt;/font&gt;&amp;nbsp; &lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
Have you ever read something and it just click, you get to that point where you can actually see the light bulb appear above your head. That is exactly what happened when I read this. Sadly the above for mentioned person is me. I don&amp;#39;t trust myself, hmmm its kind of hard to think that way isn&amp;#39;t it. We always put such emphasis on trusting others, without really taking the time to realize we need to trust ourselves as well. Ever since I read this I&amp;#39;ve been gleaming, I always knew there was something wrong, just didn&amp;#39;t know what. Now I do, and god this makes me so damn happy. I&amp;#39;ve been excited ever since. Luckily I get to see her tonight, and I&amp;#39;m going to share this with her, and finally open all these thoughts I had while we were together. Since I know what the problem is now, I&amp;#39;m hoping that me and her can work thru this problem together. I think me having this trust issue was the cause of alot of the problems me and her had. Anyway, even though I have a problem I&amp;#39;m so damn happy today that I know what the problem is....its kind of like seeing the world with a brand new set of eyes.&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;
On a side note, my ex-wife and I recently agreed to put our autistic son on a nutritional supplement, we&amp;#39;ve heard people say wonderful things about it and their testimonies of the tremendous results with their autistic children on it. I thought it was a good idea, it has nothing harmful in it, and no side effects, what could it hurt?&amp;nbsp; Hes been on it about a week, and there has been astounding results. Last night I was over at the ex-wifes hanging out, and she came in from his room in tears... We all looked at her and asked what was wrong, she looked at me with the largest smile on her face and said &amp;quot;He called me Mommie, he has &lt;u&gt;&lt;em&gt;never&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/u&gt; called me Mommie before.&amp;quot; &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/includes/FCKeditor/editor/images/smiley/msn/teeth_smile.gif&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=18320&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[4 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=18320&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Long Lost Love</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=17598&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>As I stated in my last blog, I would write about the girl I&amp;#39;ve been head over heels about for the last 10 years so here goes:&lt;br /&gt;
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Me and her were friends in high school, she dated my&amp;nbsp; best friend at the time.&amp;nbsp; From the first time I saw her, I always had a crush on her, and with her dating my best friend the feelings only became stronger as her and I became friends. Well as time went by, she got tired of my friends crap, and his apparent alcoholism (eventually, we all got tired of his crap, and his self destructive poor me attitude). They broke up, and I was still hanging out with her, by this time me and her were best of friends and could read each other like books. Well, it was time for me to step up, and take the chance and ask her. Well, I gave into my fear of rejection, and just kind of dropped out of her life. Something I&amp;#39;ve regretted since then, not only did I lose out on a chance at romance with her, I also lost a great friend. &lt;br /&gt;
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We kind of kept in touch over the years, we would see each other in public and chit-chat, hug, and be on our way. I got married, had a child, started my own lil life, but she was always on my mind. Anytime me and my wife had an argument or fight, I would always think about her. Well finally it was decided that me and my wife could no longer coexist, &lt;br /&gt;
and we got a divorce.&amp;nbsp; Now in the self loathing and depression that followed the divorce, I decided to write her, and tell her about all the feelings I kept for her. She contacted me immediately, and told me she had no idea, she thought I dropped off the planet because of my friend she dated, and well to say the least we re-kindled our friendship. She told me that at this point in time there wasn&amp;#39;t anything she could do (she was in a three year relationship with a guy, and had I known the letter would have never been sent), however she didn&amp;#39;t know what the future held. She also told me she had a battle with cancer, cervical cancer, and how she had been sick. This scared the holy crap out of me cuz I just recently lost my mother to cancer.&lt;br /&gt;
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We talked nearly ever week for a while, I found a new girl (the girlfriend from my previous blog post, which was a disaster). Her and her man split, while I was with the gf, and she went on to find another guy. The last I talked to her, was on the phone, she was telling me how she just broke up with her bf and I was telling her about the downfall of mine. A few days late we were talking, and I asked her if we could meet up sometime, and hang out like the old days. She said sure, sounds like fun. Well that was pretty much the last I&amp;#39;ve heard from her. I&amp;#39;ve called her, messaged her, and e-mailed her, 4 weeks now and no response. I&amp;#39;m hoping shes just busy with her new man, and just hasn&amp;#39;t got time for me (or knows because of the feelings I have for her, wants nothing to do with me), and that she hasn&amp;#39;t come out of remission. Anyway I&amp;#39;m at a loss as to what to do, if shes not contacting me because of the new man, I don&amp;#39;t want to intrude. But if shes sick again I would like to know, and its like her not to tell me that she is, so I don&amp;#39;t worry myself sick about her.&lt;br /&gt;
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Normally I would just give up, but for some reason with her I just can&amp;#39;t. Shes the type of girl that if she called me up and said&amp;nbsp; &amp;quot;Jacob, I need a kidney transplant&amp;quot; before she hung up I would be there at the hospital with her getting every kind of test completed to see if I was a proper candidate.&amp;nbsp; &lt;br /&gt;
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Any advice on the situation would help.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=17598&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[4 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=17598&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>A Thank You</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16797&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>&lt;p&gt;I wanted to thank Unwashedmass for his recent blog post: &lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/Blog/UnwashedMass&quot;&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Over the last week I have had so much crap thrown in my face it was about as much as I could handle. Between a friend sleeping with my ex-wife, the mother of my son, and my ex-girlfriend slamming me every chance she gets, to someone I have been in love with for over 10 years totally and completely shutting me out of her life, I was at my wits end. The anger and the pain was consuming me to the point that I was loosing sleep, and I could feel my ulcer bruning a whole thru the lining of my stomach.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My friend, who recently joined the army and is stationed in Iraq, I was told had a one night stand with my ex-wife. I knew that she was the one that went and picked him up from the air-port. Which in itself pissed me off, Why the hell is one my good friends picking up my ex from the air port? Why didn&amp;#39;t he call me and ask me? Anyway, I confronted him and my ex-wife about it. My ex-wife got pissed off more at the fact that anyone was thinking this. He just got pissed off because I found out what was being said. For three days it was nothing but a fight, a fight where he did everything in his power to avoid the question at hand: Did you sleep with my ex-wife? Instead of getting a yes or no, I recieved an e-mail telling me how horrible of a friend I was, how I looked down on him, and treated him like shit, and I was never much of a friend to him anyways, I responded telling him basically he was full of crap and he still had yet to answer the question. The next reponse I got from him was what did it matter she&amp;#39;s your ex-wife, and made it seem like I was crawling back to her. I responded no, but it does matter who shes with for the simple fact that 90% of the time, my son is in her care, is with her, so whoever she dates, whoever she sleeps with, it affects my child, therefore it affects me. Finally on the last e-mail he gives me an answer: no. So after all the bullshit and drama, I finally get an answer. And I told him I believed him, and I do I don&amp;#39;t think he slept with her. Her reactions and her answer to me, and his final answer to me, they weren&amp;#39;t lies, I know both of these people well enough, and have caught both of them in lies before, to know this wasn&amp;#39;t a lie. However I do know my friend well enough to know that he did tell everyone he did sleep with her. As long as I&amp;#39;ve known him sex was always more important then friendship, so I&amp;#39;ve decided he&amp;#39;s a friend no longer worth having.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On to my ex-grilfriend. All Im going to say is things didn&amp;#39;t work out. Wether it was I wasn&amp;#39;t giving enough, or she was too needy, it just didn&amp;#39;t work. She had to leave to take care of her dying father, something I knew had to be done and wasnt at all upset about. No matter how much I tried to make her happy, there was always something upsetting her. She always had some type of drama, and I always had to do something about it. I will say that a couple of the times, the drama was mine as drama will always occur when their is an ex-wife and a child. However the drama just got to be too much for me to handle or to even care. We broke up while she was taking care of her father. The last straw was, I told her I would call her when my son laid down for a nap, the nap never came, so I was just going to call her when he went to bed, no biggie. Boy was I wrong, I had just laid down, and was getting ready to call her, when the phone rang. I picked up, and it was her. Immediately it turns into a fight, she&amp;nbsp;tells me that because I didn&amp;#39;t call her earlier, I didn&amp;#39;t care about her.......??? I told her I spent the day with my son, he never took a nap, and I was fixing to call you. It finally escalated to the point where she was trying to make herself more important then my son and I had finally had enough. We had been fighting for weeks, niether one of us were happy, so I decided to break it off. Well its my fault now that&amp;nbsp;most her stuff is down here with me, my responsibility to get it all back to her. She asked me to mail her a ring she had given to me to wear and the key to her car, I was like np. Mailed it two her as soon as I could, well it wasnt soon enough, and she proceeded to tell me that I kept the ring out of spite for the exteneded period of time, and that Im keeping all her furniniture because I refuse to send it to her..Any way its been a long drawn out fight, on that I no longer wish to fight, all I wanted back was the key too my truck and the key to my house, two things she refuses to give to me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Last the woman I have been in love with for the last 10 years, her I&amp;#39;ll save for another post, since this one is already extremely long.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I finally I would just like to thank unwashedmass mainly because I read his thread last night. Own your own shit, I was letting the emotions brought on by these situations run me, I was letting the hate and anger into every little moment of the day. However, I read his post, I read the things he was going thru, and read the meaning behind Own your own shit.&amp;nbsp; For the first time in weaks I went to bed last night with a clear head, and was able to get a good nights sleep. I woke up this morning the pain of my ulcer gone. I read UM&amp;#39;s post and for once I realized what I needed to do, and because of that I thank you UM. I&amp;#39;m pretty sure that when things start to get shitty, and the pain and the hurt get to be to much to handle, the words &amp;quot;Own you Own Shit.&amp;quot; will echo thru my thoughts, and Ill be able to take control of the situation, and not let the emotions take control. Ty Mass&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=16797&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[3 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16797&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Space Marine #2</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16309&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>&lt;p&gt;This is the second completed marine piece for the RPG, I think Im going to use this one for the Soldier Class.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;img alt=&quot;&quot; src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/Soldier.jpg&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=16309&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[0 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16309&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Xenopwn the RPG</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16301&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>Me and Cestual have decided to convert PWN Productions  Xenopwn board game into Xenopwn the RPG using the D20 system. Ive been slacking off on it, but I do have 2 (Out of 10) classes created. Been working on the art work for it. Here is a pic of the Gunner Marine. &lt;br /&gt;
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&lt;div align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/MarineHeavyArmor.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=16301&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[0 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=16301&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Off the Normal Subject...</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=15918&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>&lt;p&gt;Besides my obsession with the greatest game ever WoW, working on Darth Cestual&amp;#39;s awesome drawings, painting Warhammer Figurines, playing magic with Smoke, sitting around the table playing D&amp;amp;D with my friends, reading fantasy novels, shooting the bs about comic books, and anything else they totally qualifies me as a total and complete nerd. I have another quality....I&amp;#39;m a gear head, I was raised by a mechanic, my two older brothers are mechanics, and hell even my sister can overhaul an engine. Which brings me to the topic of today. When I was 16, I told my father I wanted a hot rod/show car, expecting the usual no, your not getting one, I recieved a yes. He asked what kind of car do you want to get, my immediate answer was a 1957 chevy bel-air, I had always been in love with the shoebox style bel-air...So we went out searching, and searching, and searching.....When at one junkyard, about 2 1/2 hours away from home, he called me over to a car....It was a bel-air, but it was a 59, a model I had never seen before, with its weird flat fins, and large bulbous body....at first I was appauld, but dad talked me into getting. The next two years we spent stripping it.. down to the bone and buidling it back up....Kept the orginal 283 in it, put a 350 turbo tranny behind it, and tweaked to push around 300hp. I&amp;#39;ve been showing ever since its completion in 1999.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/1136224687_car.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;you can check out more pics here: &lt;a href=&quot;http://custom.autos.yahoo.com/gallery/overview-car-4170;_ylt=ApjjF47D_Nl9SxNeVZY72DlQ9skF&quot;&gt;pics&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=15918&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[2 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=15918&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>returned</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=15845&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>Been a long time since I posted a blog. Here is a pic of Cestual&amp;#39;s for one of his Dark Sun campaigns. Thought it would be cool to go back over, and breath some life into it. &lt;br /&gt;
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&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/DarkSun2.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=15845&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[0 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=15845&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>Another Couple of Finished Pieces</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=7659&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/skyelffemaleink.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/skyelfinked.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I should really consider shrinking these down before I post them. Anyway, I havent posted in a while....WoW will do that to a person. Silvery is lvl 68, and I plan to Ding 70 this weekend, flying mount here I come. Other then wow, works ok, lifes meh, and the ex-wife is a ....you get the idea.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=7659&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[0 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=7659&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item><item><title>She is Fin</title><link>http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=4260&amp;g_num=3731</link><description>Well Since I gave you guys a sneek peek, I guess I&amp;#39;ll go ahead and show you the finished product:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j253/elvendarkmage/FinalFemaleMinotaur.jpg&quot; alt=&quot;&quot; /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
&lt;br /&gt;I learned a couple of new tricks and implemented them, Im not pro yet, but I feel Im getting better.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;amp;b_id=4260&amp;amp;g_num=3731&quot;&gt;[0 Comments]&lt;/a&gt;</description><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.2old2play.com/modules.php?name=Gamers&amp;ws=ws_comments&amp;b_id=4260&amp;g_num=3731</guid></item></channel></rss>