I love farts. They make me laugh. They make my kids laugh. They are fun and free. OK, so not everyone likes em, but everyone does em and if you say "not me" then you are a liar. I know that this blog will go over about as well as a fart in church, but so what, pull my finger...I dare ya. Game On!
Where does fart gas come from? The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts.
Why are beans so notorious for making people fart? Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. The most offensive sugars, known as "flatulence factors" to scientists who research farts, are raffinose, stachiose, and verbascose. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cauliflower, cabbage, milk, bread, eggs, beer, and raisins. People unable to digest milk due to lactose intolerance will suffer extreme flatulence if they consume dairy products.
What makes farts stink? The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.
Why do farts make noise? The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, fart noise is not generated by the flapping of the butt cheeks.
Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts? Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not. Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume. The two factors equalize out (the same number of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same.
Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts? Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm. Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the notorious, warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a good sound, but excelling in stench.
How much gas does a normal person pass per day? On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.
How does a fart travel to the anus? One may wonder why fart gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards. The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and fart right after a meal. Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included, to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gas is more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to from larger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gas bubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very far due to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore, the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down.
Is it true that some people never fart? No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.
Do men fart more than women? No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender. I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.
Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end? No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps.
Is it harmful to hold in farts? There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatus is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts.
How long would it be possible to not fart? As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake!
How can one cover up a fart? There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill. As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart. Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can.
Is it really possible to ignite farts? The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatus. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. Ignition of flatus is a hazardous practice. There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content has exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon. Ouch!
Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence? Few people earn their living directly via flatulence. A famous performer who earned his living this way was Le Petomane , who performed in France at the beginning of the 20th Century. If you like Howard Stern then you know of Mr. Methane, who lays claim to the distinction of being the world's only performing flatulist. However, people may also earn a living through the prevention of flatulence (as do the manufacturers and sellers of Beano and other products), through the practice of medicine specializing in the treatment of flatulence and other gastrointestinal problems, by writing books about flatulence, and through the production and sales of various fart gags such as whoopee cushions and farts in a can.
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
I wanted to take a moment to share my Saturday with you all. A little background, for those that don’t know, my wife and I have been having problems over the last year or so. In the beginning of November, she walked. Over these last months, I have struggled daily. I have done all that I can to give it over to God, but I have always had a bad habit of giving it to him, then taking it right back onto my own shoulders and trying to do it all myself, to fix it all myself. It was making physically sick for a long time. So, these last few months have been hard, trying to be a single dad of 3 little ones. Wow.
Ok, so Saturday, I am part a men’s bible study that we have every Saturday morning. I was leading the study. What God put on my heart the night before was the verses I put above. I did a lot of reading and looking and came up with the following.
What God is telling us is that we need to take our burdens, our trials, our problems, our hopes our worries and give them to him. He will take care of them. We do this through prayer, through praise, through letting go. He then tells us to take His yoke, he is telling us to do his will, it is easy, and through that we will find rest in him.
After the bible study, I went to church. We have a group of young men like myself that have been called into the ministry and service of the Lord. They go up every other Saturday and preach a sermon. Sometimes it’s only to ourselves, sometimes to a crowd. I have been meaning to make it to these, but I have not. Saturday, I went and I preached the same study.
That was twice that I gave the same message.
After that, my buddy JT asked me to help him go pick up some furniture. I went with him. We ended up over on a side of town I had not been on for years. It was where my wife and I would spend EVERY weekend out off roading. I mean every weekend. I cannot tell you how weird it was to be there. It was surreal to say the least.
So as we are heading back, I get a phone call from my wife. In short, she told me that she wanted to finish the separation, she wanted a divorce. I wont lie, I was pretty sure it was coming but it still felt like a Mack truck hitting my heart. We spoke for quite a while. It was not ugly, She was talking with me not at me.
So, there I sit in the truck. Thinking I should be destroyed, but you know what, I was OK. Right there I said a prayer out loud and told God it was his. And honestly, I meant it.
My point to all this is this. How amazing is it that the creator of all there is. God, who created everything, loves me so much that he took the time to come to me not once, but TWICE on that Saturday morning to get me ready for what was coming. He loves us that much. He is a personal God and will take the time to spend with each of us. He took me a journey that day. He showed me where I was, were I am and where I am going. He loves me that much.
He loves you that much. Give it to him, he will give you rest.
Nash
The nature of my job is such that I do get called upon to act in an Internal Affairs capacity and investigate other officers. It's not a fun part of my job but it is necessary. I've noticed that TV Shows and movies always portray the IA people as jerks and assholes but that isn't a fair portrayal. I have always believed that officers should be held to a higher standard than others. I don't like investigating them but I will do my job and be fair just like I would with anyone else.
The reports don't share a lot of insight and I wish I could give more but the whole confidentiality and getting fired thing is a hindrance. I will say that there is about 95% of the story that isn't reported that would shed a lot more light on this incident.
"A Rutherford police officer has been indicted by a Gibson County grand jury after he shot a man accused of stealing an all-terrain vehicle in September, authorities said.
Officer William "Bill" Wetherell has been indicted on one count of aggravated assault and one count of reckless endangerment in the Sept. 6 incident, said John Mehr, special agent in charge with the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation in Jackson.
Wetherell was on duty and in pursuit of the four-wheeler driven by Josh Montgomery, of Bradford, when he tried to stop the vehicle by firing shots, Mehr said Tuesday.
One of the bullets grazed Montgomery in the back, he said.
The grand jury also indicted Montgomery on counts of theft of property, operating an unauthorized vehicle on a highway, reckless driving and evading arrest, Mehr said.
The Tennessee Highway Patrol performed a recreation of the accident before the TBI handed over the investigation to the District Attorney's Office, he said.
Mehr said, according to state law, officers must use their judgment whenever firing any shots and that usually means the officer's life or other citizens' lives have to be in immediate danger before an officer can use deadly force.
Wetherell and Rutherford city officials could not be reached for comment.
Wetherell is scheduled to appear in Gibson County Court next week."
Street Fighter mania is apon us! February 17th is fast approaching and people are already getting a chance to play the console version and giving it great reviews.
"If you aren't keyed into the Japanese arcade scene, Arcadia Magazine is like the New York Times of arcade games-it's THE place to go in Japan for amazingly in-depth and expert coverage of a large amount of titles (and no, I don't write for them anymore!). They also sponsor the awesome Super Battle Opera tournament, so it's safe to say that these guys know what's up.
SFIV wasn't really in the running for any Game of the Year awards in the West, since it's "merely" an arcade game right now, but in the one place on earth where the game is in wide distribution, it's blowing everybody away.
Street Fighter IV won:
-GAME OF THE YEAR
-Best Graphics
-Best Production
-Best Character (Ryu)
I'm not sure a single game has ever been so dominant.
And just in case you thought SFIV was only popular with the Arcadia editors, here is where I tell you it also won the write-in Reader's Choice voting for best game of the year. Beastly!"
IGN's Review
"Having spent an inordinate amount of time with the Street Fighter IV code over the last few weeks there's plenty more questions added to our initial list: can enough be added to maintain interest of single players?; will the online servers hold up to the inevitable strain that's going to be placed upon them?; and how will the likes of Fei Long, Cammy and Rose fare in the brave new world of Street Fighter IV? Thankfully, the answers we do have are resoundingly positive. Yes, this is shaping up to be the game to restore beat-'em-ups to their former glory, and as such that mid-February release window can't come soon enough."
OXM
9.5
+ Does the Impossible: Preserves the past, embraces the future.
+ Fantastic art direction..
-Anime sequences don’t add much to the experience
? Seth, have you met Dr. Manhattan?
Here are 3 screens of NEW levels for the console
Training Stage:
Volcano Stage:
China stage at night:
And Last but not least, here is the new 5 min trailer for Street Fighter 4. It contains all the fighters and mixes in the sweet 3D and anime cut scenes. Enjoy!!
news taken from capcoms blog, shoryuken and the street fighter blog
If you haven't watched the previous blog... please do so.
There has been some updates. The cop involved has not been interviewed by anyone and is in protective custody due to death threats. He is married and has a 1 week old baby. I'm not saying either way what happened, becasue I don't know... however - especially those involved in law enforcement - watch the video again and ponder the possibility that the officer got his pistol and taser mixed up...
The victim is 22 yr old male with a girlfriend and 4 year old daughter. He was a butcher. As of this writing - there have been no reports of him having any problems with the law prior to this incident.
Attorneys for the family have filed a $25 million wrongful death lawsuit.
At his work the Senior Vice President of Human Resources sent this email to the entire company:
Good Morning,
Many of you rely on the ice machine several times a day. It's obvious that it has not been working well for some time -- not producing ice consistently and leaking badly. We have had the machine repaired multiple times. I am very disappointed to say that recently we have received many reports of employees shaking and hitting the machine. This knocks parts and tubes loose and contributes to additional leaking and failure to produce ice. A new ice machine has been under consideration, but frankly, I'm not sure we will order one considering the reports of abuse we are receiving.
In response, Dean went to the store and bought some ice and sent this email to his department (and the HR woman). He's been working there for 17 years. He tends to get away with a few things.
Seeing as all my calls to FEMA have gone unanswered (big surprise!), I have taken it upon myself to step-up in this time of crisis to help alleviate human suffering. Now, I'm not calling myself a hero, but.....
I have managed to procure a limited supply of ice - 5 lbs. of sweet, delicious ice. I have stored this ice in the freezer of the 2nd floor refrigerator. Now, I'm sure your first instinct is to rush the freezer, take as much ice as possible, and horde it. Please, recognize the fact that every human has an inalienable right to ice (or at least the ones in our department), and conduct yourself in a socially responsible manner.
This ice has to sustain all of our needs for an indefinite period. I do not want to be forced to impose an ice rationing policy, but I am prepared to do so.
If you do not find the ice in the freezer, DO NOT HIT THE REFRIGERATOR!
This will only exacerbate our already perilous situation.
Further, I have heard rumors of a method for creating ice by cooling water to a certain temperature. I will research this method further, but the technology involved in such a process may be prohibitive.
last night the wife jacked up my 2003 civic. we went to my brothers to hang out and have dinner. my wife and cyndi left and went to return something. well i get a call about an hour later and its the wife. she tells me she slid sideways into a curb cause it was real icey out. she busted the control arms and the tie rod!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh. im so not happy. this is the reason i wasnt on last night. im scared to get the call from the collision shop. ehhhhh
Welcome to the Newest Member of Art Of War - Caesar
Art Of War is proud to announce the addition of our newest clan member - Caesar. Caesar is a very cool cat who wields a mean chainsaw and has some serious skills in the realm of Digital Design. He created the Art Of War Banner that you see at the top of this blog (Thanks again bro!).
Subject: The electric fence...a true story (or: How to enjoy retirement to the 9's)
I have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.
To make sure this never happened to me; I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger that Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I had unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab i t, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kind of tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.
1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms o f my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you might think.
4- My left eye will not open.
5- My right eye will not close.
6- The lawnmower runs like a son-of-a-bitch now. Seriously, I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this?)
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over t he fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
