DOES YOUR CAR STINK?

So i write service for a large toyota dealership in MI, spend about 55-60 hours a week at the place.  Im going to talk a little about the sick ass shit i see and more importantly the smell in customer's cars.  If you are one of the people i am about call a filthy fucking pig...im not sorry, either wash your stinky ass or clean your fucking car, or both.  more than likely your car smells like a bum's nuts because you dont wash your grundle or your too fucking lazy to bend over and pick the trash out from between your seats once a week.  So on that note, if your are one of these people i cant even begin to think how groty your living spaces are.  I feel like im ranting on, well that was my goal. 

We see about 100-120 cars per day.  At least 1 in 10 cars is a fucking stink trap meaning that when i stick my head in your car to check your mileage if makes me gag and sometimes i puke a little in my mouth.  i mean come on, i am literally in these peeps car for like 5 secs, how the fuck can these people drive around in them and totally disregard the stench, blows my mind.  I feel lucky i dont have to drive the cars, but the porters, shit, i think the dealership should start suppling them with vicks vaper rub to put under their noses.

Although you can get some laughs from these moving dumpsters.  for instance, there is a car in lane which happens to smell like a sewage plant/taint butter.  After i get the info from the car it usually sits in the lane for a couple minutes, maybe longer if we are slow.  right on cue, in walks the ever so gullible, master salesman.  So i ask very convincingly. "Hey bud, i cant seem to get this radio to work with the ipod, think ya can help me out?"  being that all salesman are so wise, of course they are eager to display there knowledge.  nothing better than watching a pompous ass saleperson sit in customers car and seeing that look on their face as the wall of ass hits their nostrils, priceless. 

So friends of mine, well at least those i didnt offend in this latest blog, until next time, keep your cars clean and your thoughts dirty. 

Posted by pooslza @ 10:22 am EDT | Permalink | 5 Comments

SO I DECIDED TO BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC

Today at work i decided that it would be a good idea to start drinking myself to death. I'm not really sure how i will go about slowly poisoning my liver until it turns all calcified and hurts whenever i move. I was thinking maybe i could go the traditional route of PBR 12oz cans, start out slow with like 6 a night for the first few weeks. That would be a good start in my opinion, not too much which could cause a shock to my system and prematurely kill me and who wants that,( isnt the whole point of alcoholism to die a slow and meaningless-painful death, der..) Just so we are clear im not going for the one night fifth of JD to the dome in 30mins binge drinking aspirate on my own vomit alcoholism, im striving to be that yellow skinned 50 year old that looks 70 on the eve a major stoke/coronary.  I am already 27 and i know that most aspiring drunks get crackin  during their more youthful years, but i am dedicated to the cause and i feel confident that i can accomplish this goal.

Posted by pooslza @ 4:54 pm EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments