A question for the ages

"What am I doing wrong?"

Here's a little story from my court trip yesterday.  I went up first (since I checked in first) and had to wait for a bit for the judge to sign off on the order.  So I'm sitting there listening to some true horror stories (no joking) from some poor women who are being terrorized by guys.  On a side note, there's the whole "here's this 6'4, 340 pound guy getting a restraining order against a tiny woman" and being the only guy there seeking protection thing that doesn't help the ego much.

Ok, so anyway the one woman is getting an order because this guy is hanging out back her house, off her property but close enough that he can draw attention to himself so she knows he's there.  Sick.  Then the cake-taker was this pretty little blonde girl who was on crutches.  She goes before the judge and tells him about an ex thats stalking her.  She said she was getting voice mails and text messages from him telling her he knows exactly where she is and describing what she's wearing to prove it.  Thats just fucked up.  So the judge of course grants her an order and she has a seat while he hears some more cases.

So a few minutes later this mess of a fellow walks in.  He was probably 5'8 tops and had to weigh as much as I did.  He had the gangbanger wardrobe going, complete with the shaved head and pants halfway down around his ass (he was holding his belt in his hands which might explain that).  He goes and talks to one of the attorneys and then he goes in front of the judge...and the little blonde on crutches goes back up.  THAT WAS HER FRIGGING EX!

Now after they were done I looked back and took another look at her.  She was very pretty, but she was also doing her best not to completely break down at that point.  Apparently just being anywhere near this guy, even in a place as safe as we were in, was too much for her.  It broke my heart a little, to be honest...nobody should ever go through anything like that.  She was looking at him and then she looked over at me and I could see her eyes were swelling up and she looked to be breathing kind of quickly.  Very sad.

But now to my question: what the hell am I doing wrong?  I briefly flirted with the idea of asking for her number (not the best place, I know, and not really...but there's a point in there) since she obviously didn't care about looks.  She couldn't have.  And as those of you who have met me can vouch, my chick-magnet days are well behind me, but if given the choice between me and this guy (with death NOT being an option) I can't see how I would come out on the short end of the stick.  Plus there's the whole "I'm not a psycho stalker" thing I have working for me.

So what gives?  I've seen guys my size and not very attractive with some really fine women.  Of course in many cases the guys are driving really expensive vehicles so I'd have to guess there's a touch of shallowness in there.  But still, what the fuck?  How is it that I've got nothing going and haven't had anything going for awhile?

Life is funny sometimes.  Well ok, its funny a lot.  And it certainly doesn't make sense very often.

Posted by pp2 @ 9:45 pm EDT | Permalink | 3 Comments

Small victories

I suppose I should start off with an update on the back.  Its still messed up of course, but I'm getting around a bit better as long as I keep medded up.  The Lyrica is helping some, its not as potent as the oxycontin but I can concentrate a lot better and I'm more myself lately, which is good.  I had an MRI on the 19th and dropped the images off at my doc's this past Monday evening.  He was supposed to call me but didn't, and of course he's on vacation now.  His assistant told me he took a quick look at them and said he was thinking about a series of epidurals.  I don't think I want to do that.  Not a big fan of things stuck into my spine.

The order of protection against my exwife expired yesterday, so I went to court bright and early and had it renewed.  The judge gave me the option of renewing it for as long as I wanted up to 2 years, so I went for the max.  He granted it, so its good until October 23, 2009 at 5pm.  Then I stopped off at the Clerk's office to get copies of my divorce and mediation paperwork so I could give them to that lawyer thats going to help me out with getting makeup visitation.  Ran into a little snag, though.

I forced my ex into mediation back in June of 2000.  If you think I've had problems lately, you should have seen how bad it was before we went to mediation.  So we both spent several thousands of dollars on the mediator.  The paperwork for it was one of the things I requested, as I mentioned.  So I pay for the copies and I'm leaving the Clerk offices (DuPage county Clerk's office is phenomenal to behold, its really something and very efficient) and as I'm walking out I begin leafing through the paperwork looking for the mediation agreement, since thats the current paperwork thats binding in this case.  Problem was, I didn't see it in there.  So I go back to the girl and politely point out that I didn't have all the paperwork I needed.  So she goes back into the computer and lo and behold...nothing.  The lawyer we went to for mediation never entered the paperwork into the court.  Um...hello?  You cashed our checks though, didn't you?  So thats a big problem.  But as it turned out I went through some old emails in my personal account and discovered this lawyer had emailed me the agreement in Word format, so I had it.

So I call this lawyer up and tell him everything that went on.  He was amazed that my ex didn't show for the hearing that morning, since now she has an OP against her for 2 years and she didn't bother to contest it.  Secondly, he wasn't thrilled about this other lawyer's negligence.  I told him I did have a copy though, but as he pointed out...its worthless since its never been entered into the court.  I don't even know if it can be entered any more, since its been almost 7 1/2 years since it was drawn up.  But anyway Im going to see him Tuesday morning before work and we're going to see what we can do about some things, so thats good.

But now my search begins for this lawyer who did the mediation.  Her name and office number was on the paperwork, but the phone number is no good and the email address I had for her back in 2000 is no good either.  I checked online and found a record of her still being in Oak Brook so I need to find her.  I want my money back, and I'm not even kidding there.  I'm considering looking into whether or not I can sue her.

If any lawyers here might know of a directory that I can use to find her, please PM me.  Otherwise I'm going to be checking the internet all weekend for a clue.

So anyway, as the subject of this blog says...small victories.  Things are beginning to improve overall and I'm hopeful that many things will get resolved in the next week or so.

Posted by pp2 @ 2:36 pm EDT | Permalink | 3 Comments

And by the way

New blog theme. Since I'm an Iron Maiden fan, why not eh?

The background is the sleeve art from the single "Wasted Years" off the album Somewhere in Time from back in 1986. Its a great song, one of their best, from when they first began experimenting with synth effects. Its got some really great lyrics that bring you down to earth and make you think. I highly recommend hitting up the Limewire for a copy of the song if you've never heard it before, or just follow the linkee below and check out the video. I hope you get the same enjoyment from it I do! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwB9zg7Tbx8

<btw, if you look really closely you can see the TARDIS off in the background ;) >

 

Posted by pp2 @ 1:09 am EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

And the beat goes on...

So I get the order of protection granted against my exwife.  Here I am, 6'4 340 pounds getting a restraining order against a woman a foot shorter and 120 pounds lighter than me.  Such is life, I guess thats what happens when one party is passive and the other is aggressive and violent.

They tell me the order is good for 3 weeks then I have to go back to court to renew it, and I can renew it for up to 2 years.  I was thinking...well, perhaps an overnight in the county lockup gave her a new perspective on things.  I mean, if it were me I'd be pissed, sure...but I would also re-examine things and get my act together.  So I began to think perhaps this would be a lesson learned for her and I would just no-show the court date, let it lapse and move on.

So a few nights ago I get an email from my son telling me...hey, I'm listening to my mom on the phone right now and she's got some tricks up her sleeve to get back at you, just wanted to give you a headsup so you could figure out what to do.  Without going into boring details about what she was planning to do, it suddenly occured to me that she hadn't learned a fucking thing out of this.  So I'll be headed to court later this month to extend the EOP.  Basically what it says is that she cannot come near my place of residence or work and is limited to phone and email contact with me only, and so long as its civil.  If she gets aggressive again all I do is call the cops and she goes back to County.

Now in the meantime my back is still jacked.  I went to my doc tonight (had an impromptu appointment scheduled after the assault) and he wants an MRI done now since my left leg is numb and experiencing other signs of nerve irritation, and the right leg - which was the problem to begin with - has gotten worse.  A lot worse.  As I'm typing this it feels like my cat is nuzzling my leg, except she's not.  Thats the nerves in the spine being pinched.

I also have an appointment with a lawyer Wednesday night to help me out with some matters here regarding visitation.  He was referred to me by the Family Advocate people at the courthouse, and happily for me he does charity work for income-challenged people such as me.  So I go see him Wednesday and hopefully we can get some things worked out regarding the makeup weekends my ex has been refusing me and something about the fact that now that she assaulted me and injured me leaving me unable to make the trip to get our son.

I'm also on a new med now.  I'm still taking the Norco to get through the days, and instead of the oxycontin in the mornings and at night I'm taking Lyrica.  Problem is the Lyrica isn't working very well.  Either that or right now things are so bad with the back that nothing will help much...hard to tell either way.  I had to get off the oxycontin though, cause it was fucking me up in a big way.  Retrogirl was good enough to find some info on it that I had missed that said a side effect was extreme mood disorder, which I can tell you now is very true and not very fun to go through.  Plus I felt like I was fighting my way through a fog every time I tried to concentrate.  Anyway, I'm just trying to cope in general with the pain of the back and all the other bullshit.  Not really any different than any of you of course, we all have our problems we have to fight our way through.  I just tend to be more whiney than most. 

Posted by pp2 @ 10:25 pm EDT | Permalink | 2 Comments

Well...

I've made mention in the past of all these problems I've had with my exwife.  I wish I could say they were exaggerated or even improving, but after 12 years its like it all happened 12 minutes ago...and she's the one who left me for someone else.

So today at 3 the buzzer to my apartment rings.  I look out the door and its her.  She's not supposed to pick up our son til 4 during the school year (5 during the summer), so I open the main door a bit and tell her she's an hour early, she's going to have to wait.

As usual (she's pulled this nonsense with times before) she insists its THREE, not FOUR, and she's picking up HER son and I can't stop her.  So I tell her to leave, and she forces her way into the apartment, pushing me back in the process.  So I tell her she's tresspassing  and she needs to go.  Now.  She heads for my apartment, I beat her to it, and try to shut the door.  She pushes it in and is trying to force her way into the apartment, all the time she's screaming like a lunatic.  I reiterate that the pickup time is 4 and she needs to leave.  She's screaming for Billy to come on, lets go.  He comes to the door and tells her forget it...its 4, and he's not going til 4.  Then he asks her why she always pulls this. 

So she becomes more irate and shoves the door hard, hitting the instep of my foot and knocking me back a bit.  Now as many of you know I have a herniated disc in my back.  This shoving me back produced a sharp pain in my lower back (as I type this 2 hours after the fact, my calf is killing me which means more nerve pressure).  Now when she sees me fall back, she tries even harder to get in and attempts to stab with her keys in the chest.  She's a lunatic.

Now I want to mention that over the last 12 years she has repeatedly hit, kicked, punched, slapped, thrown things at me, and tried to break out the windows in my car.  I've kept my calm for 2 reasons: 1, because my son is there and 2), because I'm not stupid: you guys know how big I am, and she's like 5'4.  No matter what she did, if I retaliated then I'm the one going to the can.  Thats an automatic.

So this whole pushing and shoving thing is going on, and at one point she tells me she's calling the police.  I tell her by all means, call them...please.  Then I tell her I'm going to my neighbor's to have him call the cops, so move.  She refuses to budge and blocks the doorway so the only way I can get past her is forcibly.  And again, like every time for the last 12 years, I do not take the bait.  Now at this point another neighbor is coming in the front door and I ask her to call the police (I should mention I don't have a phone), and at this point my ex just goes running out of the building.

Now, at this point my back is killing me, I'm all upset, but my main concern is Billy.  So I go to him and give him a hug, tell him I'm sorry but I'm calling the police this time...it has to stop.  He tells me its ok, he understands.  So I find a neighbor thats home (and that has a phone) and I call Woodridge non-emergency.  Within a few minutes a couple squads show up and I tell my side to the cop.  The cop asks me what I want to do.

Now at this point I was getting soft and thinking "maybe this scare will calm her down" when another cop comes in and mentions that her story is about the same as mine, but her's is pretty believable.  WTF???  I had mentioned to the first cop that my son (who's almost 14) saw the whole thing and could verify everything I said.  The first cop tells the second cop that there's an unbiased witness, the son, and he can verify my story.  That changed the second cop's tone a bit and then he walked outside.  So the first cop asked me again what I wanted to do.

I want to press charges, officer.

So the cop gives me directions to the station but tells me to follow him...the directions were in case he got another call in the meantime.  So I got Billy and told him he was going to need to come with and talk to the police.   So we drove down, and I made sure he was ok (he said he was ok, but how could he be?).  Before we left though, I saw the cops putting my ex in a squad car in cuffs.  Now I'd be lying if I said that after all these years and all this bullshit it didn't make me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, but the last thing I wanted was my son to see his mom being taken away in cuffs.  So I stalled for a minute, and then when we went outside I told him to just keep looking at our car as he was walking towards it and not to focus on anything else.

So anyway, we get to the car and drive to the station.  I realized we were headed towards the back of the station, where we might get another glimpse of her being led into the cell in cuffs so I cut us off and took us around the other side of the building so Billy wouldn't see any of that.  Again, all things aside...my son is stuck in the middle here, I know this is painful for him and he doesn't need anything added that doesn't need to be added.

So we go in the report room and the cop gives us pens and paper and has us write our statements out.  The first cop was really cool.  Then the second cop from the building (who was acting like a douche to me for whatever reason) came in and gave me some attitude about figuring out how to get Billy back home for school.  Now, the first cop and I had already talked about this (I asked that Billy sit outside while we talked about the more sensitive stuff) and so I called her parents.  Now, I cannot drive him back down there...not with the way my back is feeling at this point.  So I called and of course her parents were assholes to me.  Seems she had already called them.  Then I talk to her dad and he's saying I should be the one to drive him down.  I mentioned that its really not possible with the condition of my back.  He tells me that it wouldn't be happening if I had just turned Billy over to my ex.  I told him its a bit more complicated than that, my friend.  His response..."Oh, is it?".  Um...obviously yeah, if thats your assessment of the situation.  So at this point I ask the cop in the room if I can put the call on speaker.  He tells me yes.  I tell my ex's dad that I want to put him on speaker in the presence of this officer, is he ok with that?  He tells me yes.

So anyway, we arrange for him to come up tomorrow and get Billy around 3-ish.  He's going to call me about 20 minutes out since I live 10-15 minutes away and I will turn Billy over to them.  Fortunately Billy doesn';t have school tomorrow.  And in all honesty, and the cop there can vouch for this, my concern throughout all of this was not only Billy's general well-being but the fact that he didn't miss any school.  I should also mention that when we were back at the building I was trying to avoid bringing Billy into it, and he advised me he understood and it was completely up to me, but without a witness it would be basically "he said, she said".  So I had no choice.

And the words the officers used to describe were "aggressive" and "unstable".  That was from the moment they interviewed her at the building through the time they processed her.

I also need to go Tuesday morning to the Wheaton courthouse to file an order of protection against my ex.  Paper trail and what-not.

So anyway, how was your day?

Posted by pp2 @ 6:35 pm EDT | Permalink | 5 Comments