syphaqlies's Blog - 2old2play

Hove Beach Hooker Made Me Gag

Shortly after arriving here in Liberty City and listening to my cousin rant on about how beautiful and easy the women were I was anxious to try them out for myself. After all, I had just spent months on a boat full of men, I needed some female companionship.

So late that first night I took one of Roman's cars and went on the prowl for an easy score. Hours later I finally found what I thought might be a hooker. Hell, it was either a hooker or a woman that needed serious help in wardrobe selection. This woman was easily over two bills and wearing the nastiest outfit I had ever scene. If she wasn't a hooker she was sure wearing their uniform.

I really didn't think this was the type of woman Roman was talking about but there were no other hookers around so what the hell right...beggars can't be choosers. Besides, I thought she might be cheap. I figured I'd get my rocks off, save a few bucks in the process and everyone goes home happy. Hell, I've boned a few fat chicks in my time and have always had a good time doing it. And this time she wouldn't fall in love with me or expect me to call her later like the other fat chicks did.

So I pull up next to this cow and she pops her head into my passenger window. Yikes! This woman looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet a few too many times. Still, I'm horny and like I previously stated, it had been several weeks so I let her in the car and we drive to this alley around the corner.

As soon as I park she takes my 50 bucks (savings my ass), pulls out my junk and commences to straddle me in the driver's seat. Being a big girl it wasn't easy for her and when she finally manages to make it on top of me she's out of breath and breathing heavily into my face. It smells like she spent the day licking asses and it occurs to me that she probably had. This thought makes it hard for me to keep a straight face but I manage.

She pulled her panties to the side and out came a whole new smell I never imagined before. The aroma was enough to make me throw up in my mouth a little. She slid herself down on me and started to hump me....hard. I thought my hip might break, the bitch was just too damn heavy. As she built up speed she began to make vagina farting sounds. With every "vart" a new smell was added to the stink stew that has accumulated in the cab of my car. I finally can't take it anymore. On the verge of throwing up, I opened my door, kicked the bitch out and ran over her as I sped out of there.

When I get home I immediately jump in the shower and proceed to wash my junk for three straight hours.

Fucking hookers. I've sworn them off for good.

[2 Comments]

I Think I Gave a Serial Killer a Ride

Yesterday I was walking around near Westdyke looking for this car Stevie wanted me to get for him when this freak of a man stopped me and started rambling about being his friend and being nice to him and shit. He wasn't making any sense and I was starting to get creeped out so I tried to walk away but this guy was persistent. He finally asked me to give him a ride to the docks to see some of his "friends" off. I decided to help the guy out even though doing so was against my better judgment.

He grabs this big heavy duffle bag and throws it in the backseat of this car I grabbed from the dealer's lot across the street. We had to hightail it out of there because someone had tipped the police about the car I had just borrowed. He seemed awfully nervous about being chased by the police and was emphatic that I loose them quickly. I wasn't too worried, most people in Liberty City have poor driving skills and the police are no exception. It wasn't long before I had them wondering where we had gone.

With the police finally off our asses we made our way through the city towards the dock. The whole time this man, who clearly isn't right in the head is talking about his friends and I start to get the feeling that he's trying to tell me something but he doesn't want to just come out and say it. However, I'm not an idiot, I know what he's talking about. He's fucking murdered his so called friends and probably spent the better half of the day cutting them up and stuffing them into that damn bag. I mean, it smells like rotting steak and it's leaking, what else could possibly be in there.

We make it to the docks and he jumps out, grabs the bag and tosses it over the edge. Good riddens, that shit was starting to make me gag. I drop him off down the street and quickly drive off once he's out of the car.

I may be a murdering psychotic but that man scared the shit out of me. He was fucking insane. Shit, I still got goose bumps.

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Press Clipping

I picked this up today from the Liberty City Tree Online.

Violence Against Homeless on the Rise in Liberty City
by Richard Head
(Friday, June 6, 2008 ) Violence against Liberty City's homeless population has risen sharply this past month. In total, the LCPD is currently investigating 35 unsolved murders where the victim has either been beaten, stabbed, shot and even set on fire.

Even more astonishing is that police believe the majority of these killings to be the work of one individual.

"I wouldn't say that we have a serial killer on our hands yet, just one very disturbed individual," said officer Francis McReary of the LCPD. "So far all of the incidents have occurred at night. We believe that the perpetrator simply stumbles upon his victim by accident and for whatever reason attacks them."

An eye witness to one of the attacks that occurred in the industrial district described a grissly scene.

"This man just walks up to this bum that's sleeping and just starts beating him with his bat. After he rifles through his belongings he seemed to get even angrier when he finds nothing on him. I mean he's a bum, what did he expect to find, a secret fortune? So this bums just laying there bleeding right. Well the guy takes out this bottle and lights one end on fire and to my horror he throws it at the poor guy. He just stands there and chuckles as the bum is screaming in pain. Thankfully it didn't last long. Once the bum stopped moving the guy just turned and walked away. I tell you, I have never been so scared."

To protect the eyewitness, Liberty City Tree Online has decided not to release his name. However, he is currently being held at a police safe house in Algonquin.

I think I need to teach this eyewitness the phrase, "I didn't see anything."

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Packie is a Dick

So today I went to meet this wacked out Irishman named Derrick. He's completely off his rocker and like all addicts he's blaming someone else for his problems. His particular problem is currently locked up in a Liberty City prison somewhere. However, Derrick here has got wind that they're going to move him so he's asking me to help take care of this little problem for him.

Fucking strung out Irishman. What the hell, he's so pathetic that I agree to it. His brother Packie decides to help me with this little errand. Well, long story short we got this guy that Derrick's all bent out of shape about standing at the edge of this cliff pleading for his life. I put my pistol to his forehead and marvel at how nice the pink mist looks in the waning sunlight.

I watch this cock stain fall to the ocean bellow, thinking he's quite graceful actually, when I hear the car start up behind me. I turn around and wouldn't you know it, that little prick Packie has just left me standing there with my dick in my hand. I mean it's a mile to the nearest road. That rotten son of a bitch.

Have I ever left him standing at the curb after I drove him to a strip club? Did I leave him at the bank when his ass was getting shot off by SWAT? No, because I'm a stand up guy.

Well he can kiss my ass. The next time I see him my bat is going to meet his knee caps.

Fucking Irish gangsters.

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Liberty City Police Profile

Yesterday I was walking to a car I had stolen earlier that morning after eating a burger for breakfast. I had gotten into a scrape the night before and needed to replenish some health. Before I got to the car my phone rang. It was Brucie and I knew he wanted an update on that little job he asked me to do for him so I answered it. As I was answering the phone I accidentally bumped into this black guy wearing an all white sweat suit.

Now, because I was on the phone I couldn't get in the car so I just stood there while I listened to Brucie ramble on about how he was "genetically different" all the while thinking how much I'd like to know what the back of his head would look like after a bullet had passed through it. The whole time this black dude is just standing there eyeballing me. As soon as I hang up the phone, another black dude (I think it was his twin brother because they looked identical and were wearing the same clothes) came over and the two started to beat on me.

So naturally I took my out my Louisville Slugger and started crackin' skulls. At that very moment a cop car drove by and they came after me too.

I mean what the hell, I was just trying to defend myself from a couple guys trying to beat me up for bumping into one of them and the cops want to arrest me? Go figure.

But since I'm an Eastern European immigrant the cops must have figured I was a bad guy.

So I took out my combat shotgun and showed them what kind of trouble profiling gets you. When I had reduced them both to bloody heaps of rotting flesh on the pavement, I stole their police car and ran down the two guys that started the whole mess to begin with.

I tell you it was not the way I had planned to start the morning.

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AT&T U-verse or Cable

My wife and I will be moving into our new home at the end of the month and are deciding on whether or not to continue with our current cable service with Time Warner or switch to AT&T's new U-verse.

My complaints with Time Warner are the shitty cable boxes, the $10 per month charge to have digital cable in another room, and the fact that the signal constantly degrades during peak viewing hours. Plus, only about 1/3 of the channels are actually digital. However, I have very few complaints about their internet service. it's fast and rarely goes down.

U-verse on the other hand, has 100% digital quality channels, offers three rooms at no additional cost (all HD with one a DVR), more channels, on demand, more HD channels and a better cable box (developed by Microsoft). However, their fastest internet service is only 6mbps down and 1mbps up compared to cables 10mbps down 1mbps up.

So here's my question, am I going to be lagging during my marathon online game sessions with the slightly slower U-verse DSL or will I not even notice it?

Does anybody have U-verse that can tell me more about the television and DVR service? Some things I've seen say it can only record 1 HD channel and three SD channels or 4 SD channels. Is this true?

Thanks

Update: I read a review article and it does in fact record up to 4 SD streams or 1 HD and 3 SD streams which is a bummer since most of the shows I watch are in HD. However, rarely are they on at the same time. Also, a big bonus that may have me overlooking the 1 HD annoyance is the fact that the other recievers in the house, can pull the content from the DVR. NICE!!!! Now my wife can watch her recorded Nouvelas in the bedroom without bothering me.

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'I Am Goliath'

In my little fantasy world....this is the way the game really ended.

Damn I'm glad college football starts this week.

BOOMER SOONER!

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Screamed Like a Little Bitch

Fucking Bioshock. Happened lastnight as I was exploring the dentist's office (the foggy room, not when the lights go out).

Just like this:

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Nintendo Shows Promise at E3 Press Conference

Nintendo recently wrapped up their E3 press conference. I watched this with high hopes that they would redeem themselves after the earlier announcement that Metroid Prime 3 would not have online multiplayer capabilities.

In my opinion, their announcments today gave me a lot of hope for the Wii. Several new things are in its future and I'm happy to say that I'm looking forward to all of them.

First off, the biggie...online play.

While they didn't announce an online community function like Live or Home they did mention several games that will be released with online play.

The first one, and the one I'm most excited about, is Mario Kart. I've been in love with this game since its days on the SNES. More importantly Nintendo announced the game will come with multiplayer race and battle games. This was the game that all my friends and family wanted to play when we got together. However, when they weren't around, I rarely played it after I had won all the single-player races. Now that this game will finally have online play it will be hard for me to ever put down. Nintendo didn't say exactly how many racers a match could have but said it would be "many." As an added bonus, the game will ship with a steering wheel that the Wiimote snaps into. Nice. This game will be available in the first quarter of 2008.

EA Sports will be releasing Madden 08 and FIFA 08 with online play on the Wii as well. I'm not a real big fan of either of these games so this doesn't excite me all that much. Also, there was no mention of NCAA 08, which I'm going to be getting on my 360, and since you can draft your college players in Madden 08 I'll get that for the 360 as well if I decide I must have both of them. Interesting side note, FIFA 08 will allow you to play with your own Mii (I think only as a minigame though).

Guitar Hero III will also be online capable.

Nintendo did not mention...at all...how the online multiplayer will work. Because of that, the only one I'll be purchasing for the Wii will be Mario Kart. The rest I'll get for my 360.

Nintendo also announced the Wii Zapper. It's a moulding that houses the Wiimote and Nunchuck. It will be packaged with a game at a suggested retail price of $19.99. Not to bad even if it is just a plastic moulding since you also get a game. No mention of the cost for a stand alone device. Nintendo mentioned that Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles, Ghost Squad and Medal of Honor will all utilize the new zapper. I have to say it looks cool but I need to see this thing in action before I'm sold. The press conference only had brief video of what gameplay would be like with this zapper.

Nintendo also had a live demonstration of Metroid Prime 3. The game seemed to play nicely, allowing you to lock onto a target and still provide free aiming. They also made it seem simple to change visors but I didn't see when they actually did it in gameplay. Your also able to switch into Hyper mode for more powerful weapons but again I wasn't able to actually tell when they engaged it on the game. (Video was choppy at this point.)

A new Wii channel was also announced. It's basically a beauty contest for the Mii. It's titled Check Mii Out (or maybe Check Me Out I don't really know). You submit your Mii for the Nintendo population to vote on. (Nintendo's version of Hot or Not?) They also mentioned celebrity look-a-like contests.

Nintendo also listed off a few games slated for release on the Wii:

Mario Galaxy - November. The gameplay on the video looked pretty good. I might have a reason to get into a Mario Bros game again.

High School Musical - Whoever thought of this should be shot. I mean seriously what the hell?

My Word Coach and My Life Coach - Yawn and Yawn

My Sims - I'm a Sims fan so this title immediately appeals to me. Plus I prefer the cartoony feel of this one to the more life like Sims games.

Rayman Raving Rabids 2 - So what.

Soul Caliber Legends - Nice.

Smackdown 2008 - Not a wrestling fan.

Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword - Just put it on my list of games I must have. Video of it looked sweet.

Dragon Quest Swords - We'll see.

Smash Bros Brawl - December - I'm looking forward to this game but I'm a little upset that this game wasn't mentioned when they were talking about online gaming. If it doesn't have it, I'll pass. The only reason I'll buy this game is to play with other people.

The final game they mentioned that I will own when it's released is Wii Fitness. My wife and I are both trying to loose weight and be more fit. I hate excercising and refuse to go to a gym (despite her constant nagging). However, I can easily see both her and myself using this. It comes with a Balance Board that measures body weight and detects how it's being shifted on the board. This allows the users to calculate their BMI (body mass index), keep perfect form in the excercises, and take part in active mini games, all by leaning, stepping and by doing many more physical activities I'm sure.

Here's a link to video.

There was also a lot of DS talk in the press conference but since I don't own one I didn't really care too much about what they were saying. However, there are two games coming out that will have me putting it on my Christmas list. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom HourGlass and Dragon Quest. There was a live demonstration of Zelda and it looked fun. You control link on the lower screen with the styllus while the upper screen displays the map. Gameplay seemed smooth with the styllus and graphics looked clean. The video for Dragon Quest also looked very nice.

There was also plenty to be skeptical about. First, there was no mention of how multiplayer would work. Will it be like the free for all game lobbys in Live or will you only be allowed to play with the people listed in your Friends List. Also, there was no mention about making adding people to that list less complicated and more user friendly. I haven't added people to my friends list since the first week I purchased my Wii, it's just too damn time consuming.

Overall I think Nintendo is moving in the right direction. Still not fast enough for my taste though.

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Getting this

I tried to embed this video a few times but the embeded link kept changing to an E3 interview for some reason (I think because it requires age verification).

So here's a direct link. It's the Call of Duty 4 E3 trailer.

This game looks so good. Graphics look crisp, gameplay seems solid, battle scenes look chaotic and overwhelming. I can't wait.

http://media.video.ign.com/ev/sv.html?dlURL=ps3movies.ign.com/ps3/video/article/802/802473/COD4_E3_Trailer_07092007_flvlowwide.flv&object_ID=902590

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Playing with my 2o2p peeps is the best

I can't tell you how nice it is to have a community like this. Before I joined I was considering letting my Live account expire. However, since I've gotten more active I've enjoyed it more and more. Recently I've been playing with a few members on Rainbow Six Vegas and it's been the most fun I've had on Live in a long time. Even though we suck something terribly and it takes us multiple (multiple, multiple) attempts to clear a map, we never cease to enjoy it (even if we've died in three seconds and are stuck watching the other guys). Watching can sometimes bring you the most laughs, since you're no longer worried about your own guy you can enjoy watching your teamates screw up. Like trying to commit suicide with a grenade to restart the match and actually missing every single time. Or how about bouncing one off a terrorists forehead back at you. It's crazy shit.

Thanks for all the fun guys.

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Finding it Harder to Support the Wii

I've been a Wii supporter from the beginning. I still think it's a revolutionary box with great design and tremendous potential. The recent announcement that Metroid Prime 3 will not have online capabilities has really hurt my opinion of Nintendo however.

I work for a burglar and fire alarm trade association and the biggest battle we have, asside from alarm response management, is encouraging members to embrace new technology. More importantly, for our members to get onboard with IT technology. The simple fact is we live in an online world. People want their information fast and rightnow, regardless of where they are. To simply ignore this technology or consumer demand will soon mean death for any alarm company. People want fully networked homes and businesses, this includes their alarm systems.

The same is true for entertainment systems, be it television devices (i.e. Tivo, AppleTV), computers, phones, music devices and video games and systems.

I understood why Nintendo decided to roll out a system with very limited online functions in the beginning. They wanted to encourage people who weren't gamers to try their system. Online gaming could have been too confusing or a turn-off for them. I have no problem with that.

However, now that one of Nintendo's marque games is being released I expected to see it come with online multiplayer action. This is a first person shooter, a genre gamers expect to have online multiplayer capabilities. To completely ignore this group, in my opinion, is a serious mistake on Nintendo's part.

The online gamer community is still the largest consumer base of video games in the world. The casual gamer is a new market and I applaud Nintendo for going after them. But doing so at the expense of the community that has supported the industry since its creation is not the right way of doing things.

They say they didn't have enough resources available for the online portion so they instead focused all of their efforts on the single-player story. I say bull shit. This is possibly the biggest game Nintendo will be releasing this fall. It's one people have been waiting for, either to purchase or since they purchased their Wii. It should have been Nintendo's opportunity to show the world that they no longer make toys.

What Nintendo doesn't understand is that they are ruining a game that doesn't really belong to them anymore. It belongs to the gamer. It is an icon of our past, an experience as a child that is cherished by many of us. To ignore us is to say we don't matter.

I will buy this game, simply because it's a Metroid game and I have faith that the single-player mode will be great. From now on though I will only be purchasing Wii games that I can't get on my 360. There just doesn't seem to be a point.

I like that Nintendo is encouraging more people to join our community, but at what cost.

My recomendation for the Wii has gone from a must have for anyone, to a system that should only be purchased if you're looking for a great toy for your kids.

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Getting a new game

I'm going to be getting a new game for my 360 today. I haven't bought a new one in a while (since Christmas). A lot of great games have come out since then. I'll probably only be able to get one so it needs to be great. So I need you guys to help me get one.

I love sports games, shooters and RPGs. What I'm looking for is something that is challenging, offers a lot of hours of gameplay and has a good multiplayer system so I can get some online fun in with you all.

Please give me your suggestions.

Thanks

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Fall Shows I'm Looking Forward Too

I love summer but I hate the lack of good TV. I can't wait for the fall season to start. Here are some new shows I'm looking forward to watching.

FOX:

Back to You - This show looks freaking hilarious. This is going to be a must watch for me.

New Amsterdam - This looks pretty intersting. Guy is given the gift of living forever.

The Rules for Starting Over - It's from the Farrelly Brothers....nuff said.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles - Kick ass. A series based on the terminator. I am so watching this.

ABC:

I'm kind of on the fence with this one. I love the characters in the Geico commercial but the trailer makes me think they made them a little too cute for the show. I'll give it a shot.

Cavemen

TUESDAY 8/7c

Over the last hundred thousand years, mankind has evolved from primitive creatures to sophisticated beings, except for a small minority who unfortunately didn't evolve physically at all. Now three sophisticated cavemen (who already have a fan base from their popular GEICO commercials) are living in modern-day Atlanta, where they are at odds with contemporary society as they struggle to overcome their physical appearance and the accompanying stereotypes.

This looks like a good guy comedy.

Carpoolers

TUESDAY 8:30/7:30c

There are men who actively try and figure out the world -- together. These men are more complicated than we might think -- they have hopes, ambitions, families, careers, and insecurities. These men are the Carpoolers; four guys, living different versions of the modern suburban family life who obsess, dream, and strategize as they rocket their way up and down the carpool lane every day.

I'm really excited about this one. It's by the creators of Dead Like Me, the best show Showtime ever had.

Pushing Daisies

WEDNESDAY 8/7c

Pushing Daisies is a love story about a pie-baking young man with a very special gift… the ability to return dead people briefly back to life with just a simple touch -- enabling him to help a P.I. crack murder cases by asking victims to name their killers. Director Barry Sonnenfeld, writer-producer Bryan Fuller, and the producers of Big Fish blend romance, crime procedural and high-concept fantasy to create a fairytale in the spirit of Amelie, Stranger than Fiction, and Chocolat. Features a stellar cast.

I'm not all that excited about this next one. However, I know I'll be watching it because my wife is. Honestly it doesn't look too bad.

Women's Murder Club

FRIDAY 9/8c

When you are a woman working in a man's field, you get a lot further by teaming up… so to circumvent the Justice Department boy's club, San Francisco Detective Lindsay Boxer (Angie Harmon, Law & Order) assembles a secret all-female team of experts -- the Women's Murder Club. Two-time Emmy Award®-winning Director/Producer Scott Winant (Huff, thirtysomething) adapts the bestselling novels by James Patterson into a thrilling new crime series that redefines women's work. Because sometimes, the best way to get your man is with a woman.

NBC:

Journeyman - Looks like another good mystery drama. Guy keeps jumping back in time and then forward again.

Dan Vasser thought he had it all: a loving wife, a great son and a steady job. But life suddenly throws him a curve ball. Dan finds himself traveling into the past with a purpose – impacting people's lives for the better – and sometimes the worse. While doing so, Dan reconnects with Livia Beale, his ex-fiancée whom he lost in a mysterious plane crash. Now armed with the knowledge of the present, will he be able to save her? What would that mean to his own future? And how would it change a man who thought he had it all?

Life - This one is on the bubble for me. It has a lot of good actors in it but it looks like it's trying too hard to be dramatic.

Meet Detective Charlie Crews. Behind him sit tough years of hard prison time for a crime he didn’t commit. Ahead of him lie the challenges of a world that’s moved on without him. Now it’s time to walk through the painful cobwebs of his past and re-enter the scorn-filled halls of a job he loves. It’s no easy task, especially when his reluctant new partner is as jaded as Dani Reese. Charlie’s appreciation for life’s details not only offers up unique insights into each crime, it reminds us of all the little things we take for granted.

Chuck - When I first saw this I thought it was going to be lame. After watching the preview it looks like a really good action comedy.

Chuck Bartowski is just your average computer-whiz-next-door. He spends his days working for Buy-More with his band of nerdy cohorts, longing to find a woman who can appreciate him. But when an old friend, who happens to be a CIA agent, sends Chuck a mysterious encoded email, the world's greatest spy secrets are embedded into his brain. He never asked to become the government’s most powerful weapon, but the fate of the country suddenly lies in his unlikely hands. Hopefully, this won’t take away from his video game time! International terrorist plots, sexy spies and cold pizza – it’s all in a day’s work for our trusty hero...Chuck.

CBS:

The Big Bang Theory - This one looks really funny. Plus it has the hot chick from 8 Simple rules in it. Can't wait for this one.

Moonlight - A vampire show. Nice

(I tried to embed trailers for CBS but they didn't work. Here's the link to their fall preview page.)

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Please, Stop the Rain

If anyone knows where the Ark is, let me know.

Enough already, it's the 4th of July and I want to be outside spending quality time with my smoker. I bought a big 'ol brisket and some pork ribs. I was planning to have me a good 4th of July barbecue.

Screw it, I'm still having it. Mother nature can just kiss my ass.

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